Team Dragovich

The Big Move to Wordpress

2011-07-24T20:20:00.000-04:00

I've been working on this move mentally for quite some time. It's the fingers to keys competing with fear of stepping off cliff which has held me back... until now.

We are just talking about a new blog here, aren't we? But, to me, it's more. Broader scope, greater commitment to quantity & quality, wider audience base-- eventually. In truth, it's a risk I'm taking and to me, it's huge.

So... without belaboring the point (really, to keep from stalling) my new site is:

Shari Dragovich~ In These Shoes

Actual URL: http://sharidragovich.wordpress.com/

I will not be posting to this site anymore. As of now, the content will remain and I will provide a link to teamdragovich on the new blog for readers to browse old posts.

In some ways, I resisted the move simply out of nostalgia and maybe a little loyalty; much like the childhood blankie still resting on my bed. Blogging on Team Dragovich has been healing balm during the two most difficult times I've face thus far in life-- deployment and adoption.

But, nothing has been lost. Only an adding to. Rejoice!

I'll see you soon... In These Shoes

Runner Girl Rides Her Bike-- Part 2

2011-06-30T09:46:00.000-04:00

I’ve taken quite a while on this “Part 2” post, haven’t I? Some of this is simply a hectic start to summertime, but more truthfully, my silence is more a lack of progress—at least visible progress.

The truth is, I’m slow to embrace this season of trying new things and being uncomfortable. Much like my slowness to embrace any of life’s major changes—even those deemed “good”.

I’ve had to finally admit I’m stuck and have been a little stuck for some time now. Stuck in my running, stuck in my reading, stuck in many of my relationships—especially the ones more difficult to nurture. Different is uncomfortable. Hard, even. I don’t think I can handle hard. Apparently, God sees things differently.

The last two books I’ve read have made this truth uncomfortably clear. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan monk and writer says in his book Job and the Mystery of Suffering, that in order to truly experience life fully, we must be willing to embrace the dark with the light. The key isn’t always to try and squelch the dark, but rather to accept it being there, embracing it as part of the journey. And the journey—for those who choose it—is good, even when it hurts, for it is a path unto deeper fullness.

Ann Voskamp, in her book, One Thousand Gifts, speaks early on the literal meaning of manna used by God to sustain the Israelites during their 40 years in the desert. It means, “What is it?”

That which cannot be defined, fully sustains.

Can I embrace the mystery? Can I let that which I do not understand sustain me? Am I willing to stay on the journey, open myself to receive the gift of the present—no matter what the present brings? Can I stop asking, “When will I…” and start saying, “Yahweh, I thank thee for…”

Sunday, Superman and I went for a 30 mile bike ride. We rode fifteen miles to a neighboring town, had some Sunday fried chicken, mashed potatoes and peach cobbler (not the best bike riding lunch, but we are in North Carolina, after all). I loved it. Wind in my face, feet circling in rhythm with the wheels, husband beside me. We had fun.

Yesterday I ran along the NC coastline. I have been in Beaufort the last two days on a writing assignment—Blackbeard, the Queen Ann’s Revenge and a new exhibit at the NC Maritime Museum. I went alone. Children are with grandparents, Superman had to work. I went alone.

I breathed in salty air. I felt its stickiness on my skin. I watched wild ponies eat their breakfast on an island far off. I enjoyed the songs of birds not heard in the Piedmont. I slept in a beautiful19^th-century built home. I witnessed an early morning rainbow—the largest most vivid one I’ve seen in quite some time.

It’s all together—the light and dark. Times of beauty in seasons of pain. Rohr says its fear which keeps one from living fully. Voskamp calls it ingratitude. I see both stealing my joy.

I’m always looking for a destination. An “ah-ha!” for every moment—especially the hard ones. But maybe there’s no destination. After all, if I truly believe in “full life” as Jesus describes it, then I’ve already arrived—full life, eternity, happening now.

So, is there an answer to my question—why does everything have to be so hard right now? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe. But to speak it seems trite. Maybe instead, I’ll just live with the unknown. Accept the dark with the light. Stay on the journey.

And what about you? Are you living uncomfortably? Can you count one thousand gifts? Are you accepting light with dark? Staying on the journey? Accepting the gift of now?

I would love to hear from you!

Grace and Peace,

Shari

Runner Girl Rides Her Bike--Part 1

2011-05-27T19:12:00.000-04:00

Everyone copes with anxiety differently. Some people eat more. Some drink more. Some shop more. Apparently, I run more.

This is the only honest way I can explain how I jumped from 35-40 running miles a week, to sometimes over sixty. In case you weren’t sure—that’s not a safe increase. Obviously—as I became the not-so-proud recipient of a strained Achilles tendon and stress fractured foot to prove it.

Truthfully, I didn’t set out to increase my mileage. It was unintentional—if you can believe adding 15-20 extra miles a week could pass under one’s radar. But, looking back, I can see how it happened.

Christmas 2010 was still not the peaceful, joy-filled season I was hoping for. Better than 2009—our first year as an oreo family of seven—yet still personally unsettling. We trekked to Reno at the beginning of December--first time with five kiddos--where I ran a disappointing California marathon, and the rest of the trip I spent somewhat tight- chested, as it was yet another "first meeting", and for whatever reason, those first meetings always leave me tight-chested.

Then the usual holiday-rush and post-holiday daze, all of which left me slightly bewildered by the beginning of 2011. I guess this is where the extra mileage came to play. My solution for shaking the New Year blues was adding a three-mile run into my early-morning routine.

Adding a morning run isn’t a problem. Not backing off regular mileage is.

Here I was, doing this incredibly healthy thing for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t adding extra miles to just start my day off right. I was running to escape this uncomfortable season of life.

Just as high-speed police chases never seem to end well, neither did my own attempt at escape. All it did was leave me broken—unable to even go one mile for relief from the pressing in of my life.

I had made a decision to start doing triathlons before my last marathon. Now I was forced into the sport by virtue of injury. I begrudgingly began swimming at the gym, and mustered all the excitement of a child ordered to clean his messy room, when it came to buying me a bike and gear.

I tried to put on a happy face for riding—and even let a little joy slip out as I surged down hills and powered back up again. But, it was a fragile happiness, lasting only until my first unintentional contact with the ground.

“TIMMMBBBBERRR!”

“I hate this. It’s stupid. Why can’t I just run?” I muttered, as I crawled out from underneath my bike—quite unsuccessfully, I might add, since my feet were still clipped in.

Why can’t I just run, I prayed. Why do I have to be so uncomfortable? Why does everything have to be so hard right now?

Whine, whine, whine… right?

Or maybe... it’s an honest question, coming from an honestly seeking heart, looking for a true and honest answer?

.... more to come.

Thanks for allowing me to write my journey as I swim, bike, fall and even run a little through it.

Grace and Peace,

Shari

Hunger’s Strangling Hold

2011-05-23T15:46:00.000-04:00

Today, our little princess had paper put in her ears. At least, that’s what I keep telling her. Hopefully, it was a bit more sophisticated that shoving paper down her ear canal. Whatever the ENT did exactly, I’m not sure. Something about sloughing off scar tissue around the holes in her eardrums then covering the holes with a paper patch. I was told the odds it will take are about 50/50. I’m going to keep a positive outlook (not always so easily accomplished) and assume God can work the odds in our favor a bit.

She did great, which was an exhale for me, as I’m scarred from past ENT visits with her. Limited English, a general fear of life—let alone doctors, prodding into the very places on her body which obviously were in great pain, over and over again, mix quite nicely to produce tantrums and general uncooperativeness from my little darling.

What caught me off guard was her obsession over not being able to eat breakfast. She hid her fears well at first, not mentioning her disdain over missing a meal. Eventually, however, her thoughts betrayed her—thanks to happy juice. As her mind loosened, so did her tongue.

“Daddy,” she asked Superman right before surgery, “how many days does it take before you starve to death?”

He shot me a look with one eyebrow raised and a weird smile on his face. Hmmm, I thought. Where did that come from?

After surgery when Little Sister was waking up, in between spells of crying and swooning, she asked,

“Will it take three weeks of no food before I starve to death?”

Again, Superman and I exchanged the weird eyebrow smile—only this time neither of us was smiling so much.

Fast-forward two hours at home, after she’s had an ice-cream treat and trail mix, she brings it up yet again. When I asked her if she felt like a little lunch, her first reply was, “No,” (which makes sense after just finishing trail mix). Three minutes later, she half-stumbles into the kitchen and says:

“Mommy, I do want to eat lunch. Because I don’t want to starve to deaf.”

Have you ever worried you would starve to death? Did you ever fear your children would starve to death?

Can you even fathom?

My heart sank into my stomach. After nearly two years of never missing a meal or a snack, healthier than she’s ever been in her whole six years of life, my daughter’s fear of hunger grips tightly—a constant choking hand, reminding her to be ever vigilant. Eat all you can, when you can. Your next meal is not guaranteed.

I am powerless to loosen hunger’s hold. I can teach her portion control, be a constant reassurance and provider of the next meal, but I can’t shake off the fear. It is her fear. Hers to loosen and overcome.

But then again, who am I to replace God’s redemptive work in my daughter’s life? The very cruel and hurtful thing which holds her in fear, may be where God meets her, frees her and heals her at just the right time.

Oh God, grant me the faith to continually believe in Your power over all fears.

Grace & Peace,

Shari

Blogs-- the new daytime television?

2011-05-19T11:35:00.000-04:00

I read an article in the New Yorker last night about Ree Drummond-- Pioneer Woman. I'm sure many of you are familiar with her. I mean, she has some 200 billion-trillion followers on her blog-- well, maybe not quite that many. I think the exact number is somewhere around 23 million page viewers a month.

Ree blogs about her daily life as a cattle rancher's wife. She's written a book, From High Heels to Tractor Wheels--A Love Story; and cookbook, The Pioneer Woman Cooks. She's been on every major morning show, cooking, sharing about her idyllic life on their thousands of acres of ranch land, homeschooling her four kids, perpetually in love with her cowboy husband, Marlboro Man.

Ree's blog started as a way to stay connected with family and other adults, as life on the ranch is anything but socially engaging. She captures her days on her super-fancy Nikon, downloads the pictures, makes them look story-like, then lets the pictures inspire her content.

Why am I going through all this about some homeschooling, ranching, perpetually in love with her husband, incredibly talented and intuitive, ridiculously prosperous woman? I'm not sure, other than her blog intrigues me-- causes me to ponder a bit. It's fun, but I don't visit it every day. In fact, I've been to her blog once. I don't pine away all day, wondering what Pioneer Woman will share next.

But lots of woman do... over 23 million a month.

It dawned on me that Ree Drummond's blog is the holy-grail of reality TV via internet. It's almost like daytime television... in fact, one might call blogs like Pioneer Woman the new daytime television. Soap operas are dying to women living vicariously through someone else's ranch world romance.

I am sounding a bit critical here, and I don't mean to. I admire Ree Drummond. I'm incredibly jealous. Stupid jealous in some ways. Here is a woman, stuck in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma, who starts a blog and is now world-famous. She found her niche, simply doing what she inherently loves to do. In many ways, I'm inspired.

But, I guess what disturbs me, is how easily we (the proverbial "we") become sucked into others' lives--forsaking our own very unique lives individually designed and purposefully prepared in advance. I guess not everyone believes this to be the case, but I do-- or at least I say I do. Most days are a struggle to really live it.

Also disturbing are Pioneer Woman's critics-- those who spend hours making fun of her through counter blogs and twitter feeds. They read her posts then mock her; mimicking her voice and quirky phraseology; making fun of her daily monologue and criticize her out of their own insecurities. What wasted time and energy; self-destructive and soul rotting.

You know... I want to expand my blogging. It started as a way to connect with others who were adopting, too. Now it's just about our life and often I struggle to find content. That's seems weird-- woman with 5 kids, military wife, homeschooler, adopting older children, runner, reader, writer--however green this last one may be.

It isn't just content-- it's finding content worth sharing & the amount of time it takes me to write a single post. In the New Yorker article, Ree says she can blog with kids hanging off her earlobes (or something like that). Not me! I'm a slow writer, and if I spent the time editing each blog the way I do my articles for Elite, you'd never hear from me.

So... I'm curious. What does bloggy world do for you? Who do you read and why? What makes you follow a blog? How much time do you spend blogging-- writing your own blog and reading others' blogs. What do you think of the whole blog & internet culture?

These are somewhat random thoughts, but I wanted to share and hear your voice, too.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Getting Dirty

2011-05-13T16:55:00.000-04:00

Finally. The grass is shooting through the bed of straw which has graced our yard for two weeks now. For the past three months our yard has looked like a disaster. The process of landscaping-- at least our landscaping--is so dirty, messy, wrought with pitfalls, back-tracking, little mistakes... big mistakes and slow, slow progress.

My life has felt a little like my yard lately. Messy, mistake-ridden and just down right dirty.

I over-trained for my last marathon and stress-fractured my foot during the race. Then, I was too prideful to quit, running over 16 miles on a fractured foot. I've had people say how amazing it was that I finished. What they don't realize it was no noble cause which kept me going... it was fear of humiliation.

Then there's this adjusting to a daughter thing. I'm embarrassed to say how many days I've been reduced to cursing once everyone is in bed and Superman and I are safely out of ear-shot...
"I'm telling you, all it seems all I hear is b!&#%ing and moaning!"

I'm guessing this is because I've never tape recorded myself and had it played back on me.

I know I've mentioned this before, but here I am again, wondering... is this her personality? Is this her "girl-ness"? Is this her adjusting to adoption?

I remember the first year I attended a homeschool conference. I went to all the boy-specific workshops-- how to teach 'em, how to discipline 'em, how to put up with their farting and grossness...

This year, I'll be attending all the girl-specific sessions. Especially the ones on how to handle b!&#%ing and moaning. :-)

Thankfully, my yard is almost done. At least the overhaul. Now what's left is to help it grow, keep planting and nurturing the gardens, keep getting dirt under my nails and into my shoes. After all, it's the only way my flowers will continually burst with color, the birds and butterflies will dance and serenade us and my vegetables will produce abundantly.

Guess it'll be the same with my life. Keep getting dirty.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Excuses, Excuses

2011-05-06T08:02:00.000-04:00

If only I looked this good when stressed.

Or, maybe not.

I'm bummed it's been so long since my last post.

And just when I was starting to really hit a blogging grove. Ugh.

Here are my top 10 excuses ('cause you really want to know-- I can tell):

1. I was in St. Louis and Kansas City the first week of April running the St. Louis Marathon and spending some wonderful time with my siblings. Alone.

2. I stress-fractured my foot while running the St. Louis Marathon and have been learning to embrace my space boot these last 3 ½ weeks.

3. We’ve been elbow deep in an entire landscaping makeover since February. It reached critical mass, the end of April.

4. I took a 6-week, on-line writing class to refine my writing skills and force me into deadlines. It worked.

5. I’ve also been working on a couple travel articles for a regional magazine. Deadline was end of April, beginning of May.

6. School, school, school—and June is staring me in the face.

7. I have a daughter now. Who knew??

8. Reading for my book clubs (kids and ladies) has been taking over normal blogging time--not sure why now, all the sudden.

9. Our family tripped down to Atlanta last weekend to watch the Braves v. Cardinals game. Though still slightly cranky with St. Louis for “breaking” my foot, I managed to cheer for our home team (yes, I refuse to take responsibility)

**Note: The trip to “Hotlanta” was because of MY writing gig— an article about baseball 3 ways (Fayetteville, Durham, Atlanta). This is the first time in Team Dragovich history in which the work related trip was mine, not Superman’s. Yes, I am incredibly proud of this and do not mind bragging.

10. Have I mentioned I have a daughter?

Well... so it goes.

For the record; I don't begrudge the woman in the picture. I just think she may be as detached as another cake woman I've heard of-- "Let them eat cake!"

Grace and Peace,

Shari

Reading Shakespeare Outloud

2011-03-27T13:57:00.001-04:00

JB dressed in 16th century garb last summer

Yesterday afternoon, I decided to read some Shakespeare. Weird, I know. I could try to explain the deeper ponderings of why, but it would still be weird.

The last time I really attempted to read Shakespeare (not in kid-friendly format) was lots of years ago in college. I took a Shakespeare class as one of my English electives because I wanted to feel intellectual by learning Shakespeare and I heard it was an easy “A” from an easy professor. I finished the class with a “B”—barely.

I had forgotten how impossible Shakespeare is to read in your head. I started with The Two Gentlemen of Verona. It’s the first play in my Norton’s Complete Anthology of Shakespeare (also bought, by the way, so I would feel intellectual). Quickly, I realized I was in over my head. The words were drowning me. My brain was choking on “How now,” and “thee”, “thou”. Even the side notes and footnotes were not enough to keep me afloat. I was quickly sinking to the bottom of Shakespearean intellect.

Fortunately it dawned on me to try reading aloud. Suddenly, I wasn’t drowning anymore. It wasn’t a smooth sailing, but I was above literary water. The language demanded my full attention and absolute concentration. But with each line spoken (no matter how halting my voice), I seemed to propel forward and strengthen my stroke against the thick current of Shakespeare’s language. I began moving with his words, catching his rhythm, the nuances of his humor and layers of meaning.

My Shakespearean reading event didn’t last long. Imagine that. Before Act I was over, my children burst in with their own drama to report. Someone had been incredibly naughty playing baseball. Defied Daddy. He’s acting like he’s two. He’s in big trouble.

Oh, how we love to gloat over the sins of others!

My little offender plays the false martyr role well. He will accept any consequence you give him with a sort of stoic heroism (in his own eyes, that is). Stoic victimization is closer to reality. Later, my husband and I were discussing the deeper layers of this behavior, imagining the environment responsible for creating his warped, distrustful view. Wondering, how in the world we will help him break free and fully live.

True living must be done out loud. There must be a willingness to hear the squeaking of your voice, get embarrassed and get over it. When my son accepts his punishment as his “lot in life”, quietly insulating himself against hurt, adding up the score always against his favor, he silences the full life meant to be lived in and through him.

We force him to live beyond his comfort zone. We demand reconciliation and closure in conflict. We nudge him toward selfless acts. We actually expect him to sacrifice sometimes. He has no choice but to live out loud. It is hard work and we don’t do it perfectly. But, we try and we can see him trying, too.

Shakespeare was never meant to be read silently. Neither is life meant to be orchestrated from within. Its most fulfilling moments—forgiveness, sacrifice, service and love—are lived in the open. I have no doubt my child will learn to live out loud. Like Shakespeare, he is destined for it.

The Words Bleeding Me-- Hope

2011-03-11T17:07:00.000-05:00

When a fringe homeschool family raises unsocial awkward children-- or even worse, neglect their children’s education to the extent it makes national news—it is frustrating for the rest of us raising happy, healthy, intelligent, and socially accepted children. It may even be the reason we are subject to unnecessary scrutiny and laws.

When a fringe “Christian” group traverses the country thumping their Bibles, displaying their hate signs and screaming Scripture to condemn others, it is heartbreaking to watch the message of love and hope being smeared and misrepresented. It may even cause those on the cusp of belief to turn away from God in fear they will become Bible thumping, sign screaming people, too.

When a few despicable greedy people coerce and lie to desperate parents in developing countries, financially gaining by manipulating the life-saving measure of adoption, it leads to an almost complete shut-down of adoption—leaving an estimated 5 million orphans without the opportunity to ever grow in the love of a family. They may never have the ability to grow at all.

This is what the orphans of Ethiopia face. As a way to eliminate scandal within the adoption process, Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women’s and Children’s Affairs (MOWA), along with the Ethiopian Government, created a new policy cutting the number of adoption cases heard in court from 50 to 5 per day. That is a 90% decrease. For those unfamiliar to Ethiopia’s adoption process, just know this—rather than it taking several months for children to be united with their families, it could now take years. Approximately 2,400 children were adopted from Ethiopia last year. Under the new policy only 240 would have made it home.

Just the other morning, I was reading accounts of former gang members of L.A. who told of their initiation process. Out of such desperation to belong to what they called a “family”, they would kill an innocent person—someone picked at random. If they could murder in cold blood, they were in. Despite their considerable dislike towards the command, their deep longing to “belong” took precedence.

Children need families.

Last week, JB missed the turn to our house, while on a bike ride with Sam and my husband (who was running with them). Sam yelled for JB to come back, but he was too far ahead and too full of feeling the wind on his face. The story ends happily, of course. JB was recovered by Daddy and Sam within 5 minutes. No harm done. But JB’s little world was momentarily shaken. He was melancholy the rest of the day, and even had trouble going to sleep at night. We had a lot of rocking and holding. Finally, he looked at me with crocodile tears in his eyes:

“I was so scared, Mommy. I thought I had lost my family again. And now I wouldn’t have a family to love me anymore!"

Children need families. Yes-- they need food, water and education, too. But not like they need families.

Those of us who have adopted from Ethiopia, or are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia have a choice to make. We can wring our hands, feeling angry, allowing our minds to think only the worst—or we can hope.

Hope is a small word, but it carries an eternal promise. It challenges us:

“Do not be sad in the trials. Rather, rejoice. Because suffering brings perseverance, perseverance brings character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, He has given us (Romans 5:2-5 paraphrased).

“Yet you heard my cry for mercy, when I called to you for help… The Lord preserves the faithful… Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord!” (Psalm 31)

Hope does not disappoint.

I happen to believe that the same God who guided JB, Risa and every other orphan into the hands of loving families, is the same God who sits over the nations of the world:

“The Lord foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.” (Ps. 33)

Already, the faithful prayers of believers have availed much. Meetings continue to happen. The plans of the Lord stand firm. Hope lives.

Goodness knows I hate going through suffering to get at hope. If I had known how traumatic these last 20 months would be… well… I’m just thankful I didn’t know.

Children deserve a future and a hope.

Continue to pray. There is always Hope.

PS... These two blogs have helped me pray specifically. Though both were written before the new policy was announced, I think the prayers are still an excellent guide:

The Tennants

Tom Davis

The Words Bleeding Me-- Trust

2011-03-04T07:03:00.000-05:00

What an unwelcome friend. A running injury. My Achilles tendon is painfully swollen, halting all running in the most crucial weeks of mileage.

My only other running injury was to my IT band—the illiotibial tendon which runs along the outside of the leg from hip to knee. That was five years ago and a most troublesome experience. Many months of running in pain. Running then walking. Not running at all. I was so scared. Terrified of the unknowns. Plagued by the “What ifs…?”.

“What if it never heals?”

“What if I can never regain my momentum?”

“What if…?”

My husband constantly chided me, “You have to have faith. Believe it will heal. Trust that you are doing the right things for it. Stop being so negative. You can’t live in fear and heal.”

“But what if…?”

Now, five years later, with my leg propped up on pillows, I’m hearing the same old thing. “Stay positive. Relax. Trust it will get better.”

There’s that word again. Trust. Trust in what? Trust in the therapy? Trust in the rest? Trust in miraculous healing?

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

E.M Bounds calls trust, “Faith in full flower…It is firm belief.”

“Trust sees God doing things here and now… [it] brings eternity into the annals and happenings of time, transmutes the substance of hope into the reality of fruition and changes promise into present possession.”

Hope to reality. Promise into present possession.

Bounds goes on to explain that trust sees God doing things here and now. Even more. Trust expands its sights into the eternal and brings it to the happenings of time.

Hope to reality. Promise into present possession.

Trust in a thing, activity or organization is passive and carries no substance. Trust in a person is where Trust flourishes. Healthy relationships are the fertile soil for trust to grow and thrive. Children trust their parents. Husbands trust their wives and vice versa. Faith-filled people trust their God.

At least… these all happen in a perfect world.

Trust is something I took entirely for granted; until I adopted my Ethiopian children. In my relationship with my biological boys, I unknowingly enjoyed a sweetly cocooned life filled with mutual trust, understanding and unhindered love. They trusted me to nurture them and always have their best interest at heart. Because they have never experienced anything but fullness of trust, they operate out of a position of trust. Their instinct is to trust.

Not so with JB and Risa. Their instinct and consequently their actions tend to be born from lack of trust. It was a blow to my mommy ego. How do you parent children who don’t trust you? The relationship is broken before it even begins.

Part of the missing trust is simply a natural part of the transition-- the grieving and bonding process. The rest, as far as I can discern, stems from their lives pre-us.

One child recovers quickly. There is evidence of healthy, trust-filled relationships in this one’s life. This child now thrives in the cocoon.

The other child still holds trust at arm’s length. Scared to let faith fully flower. Though there is much of this child’s life I will never know, I see the effects. Unwillingness to release into the cocoon. Expecting the worst from people rather than the best. The “What ifs… “ plague this child.

Just as I cannot force my tendon to heal, just as I cannot force character to develop, I realize I cannot force faith to fully flower.

“Trust grows nowhere so readily and richly as in the prayer chamber,” says Bounds. “The eye and presence of God give vigorous life to trust, just as the eye and the presence of the sun make fruit and flower to grow, and all things glad and bright with fuller life.”

It is time for me to look higher than my children’s field of vision. It’s time for my eyes to see the eternal, grab what is hoped for-- change it to reality—from the position of bended knee and bowed head.

“All things are possible to him who believes,” Jesus says.

It is time for me to believe. “What ifs…” have no place in my life or the life of my children. Not for my body. Not for my mind. Not for my child.

Excuse me. My chamber is waiting.

Prayer to end Human Trafficking

2011-02-27T08:29:00.000-05:00

Last night before going to bed, I already had a sense of purposefulness for this morning’s quiet time. Rather than my usual reading and journaling, I asked God to reveal His desire through specific Scripture—though I had no idea where in the Bible such scripture might be. With some apprehension—not in His words, rather in my ability to discern His speaking to me—I opened my Bible and landed on Psalm 70 – 72.

The crime of human trafficking—in particular of women and children—has been weighing heavier and heavier on me. While I sip my hot coffee, preparing for the battles of my day-- piled up laundry, cranky children, squeezing in my next run—a child is being sold for sex. Another child is exploited by his or her own parents, who out of desperation, exchange their child for next month’s bread; dooming that child to slave labor or the black market side of adoption.

This morning, the words found within Psalms 70-72 spoke directly as intercession for those caught in human trafficking. The prayer that follows is almost completely Scripture filled. It is what covered three pages of my journal entry for the morning—something I rarely share:

Hasten, O God to save them! O Lord, come quickly to help those caught in human trafficking.

Put to shame evil people who would commit such violence—confuse their ways.

May they be turned back in ruin and disgrace, may those who capture and sell children—who say, “Aha!” “Aha!” be turned back—caught and trapped by their own crimes.

But, may those who are targeted be rescued and give You praise!

May they be glad in You! Let them sing continually of Your praises,

“Let God be exalted!”

Those trapped in this human violence are poor and needy—come quickly to them, O God!

Be their Help and their Deliverer;

Let them take refuge in You, do not let them be put to shame.

Rescue and deliver them in Your righteousness, turn Your ear to their cries and save them;

Deliver them from the hands of wickedness—from the grasp of evil and cruel men.

Father, be their Hope! Do not forget them!

For You brought them forth from their mother’s womb, You know the very hairs on their heads and You have a purpose and a plan for them.

O Lord, come quickly! Be not far from them. Raise up workers to be Your hands and feet;

Those who will shine Your light in the darkness and expose the horrendous nature of human trafficking and those evil enough to engage in it!

Though the women and children being trafficked are seeing trouble too deep to imagine,

Father, I ask and trust You to restore their lives.

From the depths of the earth, bring them up, increase their honor, comfort and heal them of their woundedness.

You are Redeemer, Healer God and I trust fully in your power to fully restore what has been lost.

Thank you, Father, for faithful men and women who answer the call to expose and eradicate human trafficking;

Putting to shame and confusion those who pursue such violence;

While offering Your hope and future to those rescued from it.

Strengthen and support such workers. Lead them in the specific way they need to go.

Direct their paths—guide them through the darkest of dark holes on this earth, protecting them from harm.

Raise up a war cry among your people, O God! Cause deep, moving outrage.

Overthrow tyrannical governments, who turn a deaf ear to the cries of trafficked children! Replace such rulers with Godly governments which honor and uphold all human life as precious. Endow kings with justice and those in power with righteousness.

You promise to defend the afflicted among the people—save the children of the needy and crush the oppressor,

You promise to rescue them from oppression and violence, for their blood is precious to You!

May we, Your people, go when You call, move to where You lead and do what You have purposed each one to do.

For all You have done and all You will do—I praise You!

I praise You with song and dancing

I praise You for Your faithfulness; my lips shout for joy—even in the midst of sadness.

For You are Redeemer God! You have rescued and restored thousands of victims of human trafficking,

And I look to the day when it is wiped out completely!

By the power of Christ, I pray,

Amen

The Words Bleeding Me—Responsibility

2011-02-25T07:12:00.000-05:00

“Isaac, son. This is ridiculous. Why do you not spend the five minutes required to put your clothes away? This is not my expectation. Meanwhile, your dirty clothes stink up my carpet and your section of the room is a general mess. This really frustrates me, and it isn’t the first time I’ve caught this laziness from you. Now I see that I can’t trust you when you say your chores are done. Now I have to come behind you and double check. I shouldn’t have to do that! You are quite old enough to know better and I expect better. You are acting as a bad example to your younger brothers, and if this is how you expect me to recognize maturity in you and gift you with more privileges, you’re sadly mistaken. In fact, there will be no more afternoon friends until I have double-checked your chores, and since I am never just sitting around waiting to check people’s chores, then you will just have to wait on ME to have TIME to check you off and if that means you miss afternoon friend time—well then so be it.”

And all Isaac heard? “wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk.”

I’m thinking it was somewhat overkill. If the glazed over look in Isaac’s eyes was any indication to my ranting’s effectiveness, I would have to give it two thumb’s down.

Oh, but it felt good to rant. All that pent up anxiety, just gushing forth with such self-righteous bravado and mock concern for Isaac’s future ability as a responsible member of his own home someday, I mean, the boy won’t even put his clothes away-- WHICH I FOLD FOR HIM (what a slap in my face!)-- how will he ever be able to manage to hold down a job?!

In my life, rants are directly and positively correlated with the perceived heaviness of my responsibilities. I am an extremely responsible person. In fact, I am so responsible that I become irresponsible. Abandoning that which I am actually able to control, I fret over that which will never be mine to manipulate or turn the way I see it should go.

Example: I recognize a character issue in one of my children. Within my power and responsibility are: 1^st—continual, effective prayer for my child, and 2^nd-- creating an environment which makes it painful for such a negative character trait to persist, at the same time rewarding the development of positive character traits. Outside of my power is the actual changing of the child’s heart. What do I typically do? Well, it depends. But, I have been known to act on that which is not within my power, causing more drama, fearfulness in them and a general lack of peace; rather than create a fertile environment where positive change can sprout, establish itself, flourish and grow. I can provide a painful environment, all right—painful… and then some.

Naturally, I am excellent at carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. There is the very popular Christian book called Boundaries. I’m sure it was written for me… though I only read the one for marriage. And then, of course, there are all the parenting books. I’ve read plenty of them, more to my detriment—or should I say to my children’s detriment, rather than my own. What happens when I read such books? My responsibility baggage only grows larger. I stuff in more things for which I think I am responsible. I learn some parenting technique crucial to the first five years of their lives—which now that they’re all six years and up, it must be too late and all that’s left is suffering through the consequences of my ignorance. Shoot.

I would say that responsibility has also played a part in the process of attaching to my adopted children. In last week’s post, I wrote of the materials making up attachment—materials I couldn’t recognize until after we came home and I was experiencing them. If parenting brings with it a new, deep sense of being responsible for another human life, then I think adoptive parents could, quite possibly feel the weight of such responsibility two and three-fold. Add to that extra layers: adopting older children (who’ve already past those 1^st five years of life, let’s just say), adopting after already having several children in your home who you are also responsible for (perhaps—we’ll just pretend—three boys who will now have to share everything and everyone in their life, and one who will have to share birth order to the degree of being what adoption circles call “artificially twinned”), and adopting children whom you think are one age (well under five), but turn out to be another age (almost 6).

I can only speak for myself. Maybe I’m the only crazy adoptive mother who has to battle constantly to keep responsibility in its rightful place. Logically, I understand I have no control over what happened to my children pre-me. But there are days when my eyes aren’t well focused and my mind crammed full of my to-do list, that I blur the lines of responsibility. “What if….”, haunts me. Fear of rejection teases me. Responsibility for their woundedness, attitudes, relationships and future lives, piles up like my dirty laundry, emitting the odors of life’s stink and always being added to faster than I can deplete it. All of it blocks deep binding love from taking root.

I have circled all the “I will”, “He will” and “The Lord will” passages of Scripture:

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you” (Ps 32)

“He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways,”

“I will rescue him, I will protect him for he acknowledges my name,
I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” (Ps. 90)

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge” (Ps 90)

“My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.” (Jer. 24)

There are hundreds more. Interestingly, no where have I found a passage of Scripture which commands me to do any changing of my children’s hearts, nor have I discovered where it is within my power to heal their woundedness, remove their fears or restore their hearts. None of these things, which I find myself wringing my hands over, are within my responsibility, or ability to affect.

What is within my responsibility circle is prayer and creating an environment which makes ripe the work of the Lord. Praying in all seasons over all things, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus (which, coincidentally keeps my eyes off all my perceived responsibilities) and offering myself continually to God as a living sacrifice—allowing Him to do transforming work in me as well.

I’m still looking for the passage that says ranting is one of my responsibilities. It promises to be a long search.

Grace and Peace,

Shari

Make Mine a Monday: Sam

2011-02-21T07:01:00.000-05:00


The effects of my brilliant teaching on Sam

The Words Bleeding Me—Compassion

2011-02-18T07:07:00.000-05:00

There never has been an emotion so disturbing to me as a mother, as feeling no compassion toward my own children. Before adopting our two Ethiopian children I had read of families who struggled to attach and much ado is made of attaching and bonding in adopted children. I have even had a friend or two who struggled with attaching to their biological children for several months after giving birth. But the substance of non-attachment was one I could not grasp. I had no frame of reference. No emotions to give it shape. Like being told to make a paper-mache doll with only a form and no physical materials, nor instructions for applying these missing materials and actually create something— this is what I held in regards to attachment; an idea I saw straight through with no meaning.

Once home, it didn’t take long for all that substance to surface. And surface it did—like a wounded soldier pouring his blood over the battlefield, frantically ripping clothes to stop the bleeding. The materials of non-attachment were overwhelming me—anger, resentment, regret, loss, physical discomfort and lack of compassion. No compassion. Still, my chest is tightens as I write it. Horrified that I could experience such ugly sentiments towards children, let alone children I had chosen to mother.

His crying didn’t move me. Her protruding belly from malnutrition only frustrated me. Their mood swings and ugliness towards my three biological boys angered me. The clinging to my husband, the laughing in my face taunting, “No love Mommy. Only love Daddy!” Running to any other parent for attention, affection and acceptance. The outlandish tales of a rosy existence in Ethiopia. The refusal to eat—or the hoarding at every meal. Touching them, holding them and comforting them made me desperately uncomfortable. I could have been hugging one of my mother-in-law’s cactus plants with more ease.

No compassion.

Oh, what a horrible mirror it is which reveals a shallow love!

Of course, that is not true. Such a mirror is the best kind, but at the moment of revealing, it may as well be shattered glass broken over one’s head. All those years of loving my children, I took for granted. I assumed I knew what love was. I assumed I had a heart of sacrifice. I remember looking into each one of my son’s eyes the day in which they were born, knowing that if I had to die in that moment so they might live…. I would plunge the knife myself.

The first time I looked into the eyes of my Ethiopian children…they were empty. Empty, pathetic eyes which looked right through me. But by the power of God Almighty, the many witnesses and my signature on the dotted line…I could have driven away and never come back.

No compassion.

For a time, I held it in, terrified to confess my horrible secret. Finally when I did reveal my ugly truth, not many knew what to do with it. “I think you show great compassion by not letting them continue to live in their woundedness,” one friend encouraged, after an exhausting day of feeling like all I did was discipline them. Others just listened—sometimes crying with me, sometimes admitting this is why they would never adopt themselves.

Maybe it was the last statement which sparked just enough indignant emotion to dare believe compassion would come. Who am I to deny these two a full, loving home, opportunity to truly live and experience all God has for them, all because of my insecurities? Is God not big enough to change me? Did He not know me and all my below-the-surface shallowness before we ever walked through adoption’s door? Wasn’t He the one who gave me a compassion for the widow and the orphan in the first place—a compassion which bled enough to act? Though it was still struggling for position with fear and guilt, compassion began pulling forward. I started praying for compassion to take hold.

Somehow I believed that I would wake up one day and just “feel” deep, overwhelming compassion and once I did, it would stay. I would always “feel” like their mom, and there would be no more of this shallow love nonsense. Apparently the mirror still shatters easily over my head. Compassion is in constant competition with residual guilt and fear. But it knows its proper ground and the battle is well fought.

I recently read a passage from Psalms 103:

Praise the LORD, my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

3 who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I have not traveled the roads of post-adoption very well. But after 19 months, I am encouraged. I see that I am “crowned with love and compassion”. I didn’t crown me, God Almighty did. He forgives my insecurities, He heals my shallowness of heart. He redeems my life and I wear a most glittering crown of precious jewels. I am satisfied with His goodness and thankful for the bleeding time, which has brought forth compassion-- whether I feel it always resting on my head or not.

….Now, if only the frown line on my forehead would be erased as my youthful energy is being renewed like the eagle’s. Oh well, that’s what bangs are for, right?

Uh-oh... Make mine a Tuesday??

2011-02-15T11:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, I knew I would drop off my "Monday" ball sooner rather than later. Oh well. Tuesdays can be just as good as any for proving my loyal readers with something funny, uplifting or just plain weird to laugh about. Besides, I have a good excuse-- I was designing my husband's homemade Valentine's Day card; dutifully painting in the lines and conjuring up a poem to fill the inside blankness. So there :)

In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to share how my husband and I first met-- or at least first began dating. If you already know the story... forgive me. I won't keep telling it after this-- or maybe I will.

We grew up in the same "blink-and-miss-it" town and so had known OF each other all our lives. I never really thought much about him, and figured the feeling was mutual. However, one night while celebrating our high school's latest football victory-- which of course, he was one of the super-stars-- I learned the depth of his affections for me. The entire high school (so it seemed) was out a road party... yes, I said road party-- that would be a party, complete with bonfire, on a road... and just about the time I was leaving with my friends, waiting for them beside their car, Tony comes strolling up, full of his football greatness and ready to score again. He somewhat arrogantly leaned against the car, arms across his chest, looked me in the eye-- I think (it was dark)-- and blurted out:

"Hey. You know, you're hot."

The End.

PS. And... our first date was to McDonald's.

Make Mine a Monday: Happy Birthday Wyatt!

2011-02-07T08:36:00.000-05:00

Twelve years ago today, I woke to sharp pains in my very pregnant belly. Within 10 minutes of the first contraction, I had two more contractions and my water broke all over our bed. I shook Tony awake-- no small feat-- and with much fearful excitement, explained the situation. He stared at me sorta confused, then asked,

"Are you sure you didn't just pee yourself?"

It reminds me of a recent country song's main chorus line... hmmm, how does it go? Oh yeah, "Stupid Boy".

Happy 12th Birthday, Wyatt!!!! We LOVE YOU!!!

Freedom is in the eyes

2011-02-05T18:26:00.000-05:00

I know very little of the similarities and differences between Egypt and Ethiopia—political, social, economic or otherwise. I understand a scant history of Ethiopia’s political system and nothing of Egypt’s—other than the ancient days of pyramids and pharaohs. But, I recognize the ‘look’. An oppressed place filled with an oppressed people, not free to make their own way. I brought that ‘look’ home with me in the eyes of my Ethiopian children. I’ve lived the past year and a half working to erase the chicanery of a government which leaves it’s people staring through hopeless eyes, destined to live out some level of victimization. It makes me cussing angry.

The images of Egypt remind me of a place I once visited. Not the mobs of people throwing rocks, hanging off tanks or being run through by government vehicles—well, maybe the last one is similar, as far as chaotic traffic goes. It’s the streets. Dirty, confused, seemingly random. It’s the buildings. Either crumbling, concrete or dated to the ‘70’s with wires strung haphazardly, leaving me to wonder of the percentage of electrical accidents per year. It’s the age of the people. Young. Where are the elderly-- those with the wisdom to impart to the younger generations, guiding them in the way they should go?

But, in Egypt, people refuse to be oppressed by a corrupt government any longer. They know of freedom; it bubbles to the surface despite all efforts against it. However, I wonder, how will they get there? All this talk of revolution, but what about reform? What is the plan? Who holds the keys to securing a system of government which bends to the will of the people, rather than the people bending to the will of the government?

Why do I care so much?

Barely two countries to the south is the land I visited. A land so filled with potential, fruitfulness and beautiful people. And I walked out of that land with two of its children because somehow the richness of the land isn’t fully available to it’s own citizens to flourish and prosper. Yes, Ethiopia has suffered drought and disease. But, what of the government, which holds its people by marionette strings, manipulating their moves, under the guise of compassion and benevolence, not allowing them to rise up from such hardships as free individuals collectively seeking a better way?

While in Ethiopia, our group happened to cross paths with the ET president. He was leaving the same restaurant we were about to enter. It was almost bizarre; one of our guides said, “Oh look, that’s our president.” Whose president? I questioned. The president of your company? The president of this region? Surely not the president of the country! “Yes. That’s the one.” He was leaving the restaurant, surrounded by men in suits, smiling happily at us and waving. He had a gentle face. A paternal smile. And I wondered, ‘Do you see us with your children? Do you understand what is happening here? We’re not tourists, you know.’

“In a state-run society the government promises you security. But it's a false promise predicated on the idea that the opposite of security is risk. Nothing could be further from the truth. The opposite of security is insecurity, and the only way to overcome insecurity is to take risks. The gentle government that promises to hold your hand as you cross the street refuses to let go on the other side.” ~Theodore Forstmann

Earlier this week, my son told me of the Chinese working the diggers in Ethiopia and how they didn’t look out for the children. “They should’ve looked out for us!” he lamented. “Well Buddy, that’s not what they are there to do. The Chinese are there to build roads.” It was a feeble excuse. What was I going to say-- Well, how could they possibly be looking out for you? Didn’t you notice how MANY of you there are just running freely in the streets? I saw the diggers, holes and road crews intersecting freely with the people. There were no barricades or safety measures taken that I can remember. “They just should have watched out. One boy was killed”, he continued. My breath caught. Just add it to many frozen moments these past 18 months of my chest tightening and head spinning with the grimness of his life before us. There isn’t even hand holding in Ethiopia.

I want Egyptians to succeed because I want Ethiopians to succeed. Those vacant, hopeless, victimized eyes aren’t fitting of a people with such splendid stature.

Make Mine a Monday

2011-01-31T07:24:00.000-05:00

While preparing dinner one evening to the constant drone of the Indiana Jones theme song interrupted with Lego characters in combat, my ears suddenly tuned into the voice of my daughter lamenting to her brother Sam:

"Sam, I'm tired of this wench. I don't want it anymore. How do I get rid of the wench?"

So remember.... no matter how horrible you think your Monday is, at least you don't have to get rid of your wench!

Happy Monday everyone!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Creating Outliers

2011-01-28T16:47:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago I read Outliers—The Story of Success, by Malcolm Gladwell. Tony picked it up over the Christmas break out of curiosity. He’s had several of Gladwell’s books recommended to him, Outliers, being the most widely mentioned. Soon into the first chapter, I was receiving my own read-aloud time by my husband. “Honey, you’ve gotta read this book. It’s so true. You’d like it”. Then, dear Love, I thought; STOP READING IT TO ME! He did.

Each chapter contains stories of successful people—some as famous as Bill Gates, and some not quite so well known but happily successful, none-the-less. He breaks down their lives, looking at the historical, cultural, social-economic and educational context in which these people were fortunate enough to be born. He shows that it is no accident that NFL Hockey players most overwhelmingly are born in the first three months of the year, Jewish immigrants born in the 1930’s were destined to be successful lawyers and doctors, and Southern Chinese students will always excel in math because they have been given a historical legacy of farming rice paddies.

His thesis is that our way of viewing success is horribly flawed, and if only we could understand all the arbitrary decisions, lucky breaks and cultural or socio-economic advantages that outliers (those who seem to break the mold and rise above the status-quo) are given, then we could create a world full of outliers—people who recognize the gift they’ve been given and have the strength and presence of mind to seize the opportunity—rather than a world that has settled for a few “greats”, assuming they only reached the top because they are exceptionally gifted or genius.

As I read Outliers for myself—NOT through my husband’s oratories—I naturally began replaying our own family’s decisions through the years. The choices we’ve made, the social, economic & historical context in which we were raised and how all those minute seemingly insignificant details are, in their own way, gifts and opportunities.

Most of my thoughts traveled to that which happened within my own family; seemingly “random” acts, or single decisions made with what information we had at the time, but had they not happened there would be no Team Dragovich in all our greater glory. But, there is one larger cultural development that I recognize as having profoundly impacted our family—the tremendous rise in Korean adoption at just the right time.

In the 1980’s I was happily growing in my farming community, living quite sheltered from the rest of the world. Nothing exciting or out of the ordinary happened in Mt. Olive, until the high school English teacher and his wife—who happened to be members of my family’s church—adopted a little girl from South Korea. A few years later, they brought home a son from the same country. This was both exciting and out of the ordinary. It was all I could do to keep from twisting my head from my family’s pew towards the back to their family’s pew just to gawk a little at this new and out of the ordinary occurrence—adoption from a foreign country! I pondered during the sermon; maybe I could adopt some children from a foreign country some day when I grow up… hmmm.

A very quick Google search revealed the exact sort of historically significant trend to which Gladwell would have pointed in his book. After the Korean War in 1953, adoptions from South Korea rose significantly, filling orphanages with children orphaned from the war or those whose fathers were Western soldiers. This adoption trend continued to rise steadily, spiking upwards around the late 1980’s due to the legalization of abortion, increased use of contraceptives, and changes in the social welfare program combined to create a shortage of children for adoption domestically. I just happened to be an impressionable young girl in the mid-1980’s at the exact time South Korean adoptions were at their peak, reaching all the way into our little Mid-western town, exposing me to the wonder of international adoption.

I wonder what I will be writing 20 and 30 years from now, when my children are all grown and living out their expressed purposes, adding to the significance of Korean adoptions. All five are future Outliers. And I suspect it is part of their purpose to create more.

Grace & Peace,

Shari

Let it Snow

2011-01-10T11:29:00.002-05:00

I’m watching the snow fall for the third time this winter as I attempt yet again at regularly scheduled blogging. Maybe I have been transported to a northern state in my sleep— perhaps back to Maryland, or even somewhere I have not lived yet, but romanticize about… maybe Portland, Maine. I wish I could say I am enjoying the white fluffy view. I am not. Last week I began running in the morning—just a 25 minute “wake me up and jostle the soul side of me” run. It has been wonderful. But I’m not going to risk slipping in the snow this morning for 25 minutes of fresh air…. So I guess my children will have to suffer with coffee-cleared only mommy, as if that is such a new reality for them. Hmmm—maybe romanticizing about Portland, Maine isn’t my answer.

Too much time has elapsed to try and update the life of Team Dragovich from the last post to this one. I am left with only my memories of the 2010 holiday season and the impressions and ponderings left within me, compared to last year. Probably the most prominent recognition I have of this holiday season is of normalcy. I can’t remember the last time we’ve spent Christmas without some eminent life change either having just happened, about to happen or in the midst of happening—preparing for a move, recovering from a move, transitioning from student to resident, resident to professional, professional to administrator. Deployment, adoption, post-deployment, post- adoption—endless swaying in the seas of transition. This year was marked by nothing. And that is exactly how it has distinguished itself in my mind.

JB and Risa ate up every Advent and Christmas tradition with grand eagerness and excitement, constantly reminding me of how it was “last year”. It was as if I could see the roots growing from their feet, imbedding themselves more firmly into the garden of our family, securing themselves in our soil and enlivening their souls as they experienced traditions with which they now had familiarity and could appreciate. Security. Contentment. An evenness of emotions pulsed through me. Oh Joy!

What struck even deeper, was an amazement that a year and a half which had seemed so traumatic and often tragic to me, somehow produced in them love, security and belonging. How is this? When I look back on the short time JB and Risa have been home, I still can barely bring the depth of my experience to surface. Like when Wyatt wants to reminisce on the months of Tony’s deployment or ask endless questions about Iraq, Tony’s experiences, our fears, traumas (my grandfather’s unexpected death, for example, or seeing pictures of JB and Risa for the first time, not together but over thousands of miles between us) and just remembering daily life—there is a point at which the veil is let down and we can go no further. The capacity to surface and unwrap such powerful emotions is not there yet. Our adoption carries the same level of emotional sacredness for me. And yet, this Christmas and New Year were testaments to God’s personal love for our family, His unwavering commitment in spite of my soul’s seemingly endless struggle against depression and the truth of His Word lived out in us:

“And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to the it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

So is my Word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:8-12

Maybe the snow isn’t so bad after all.

Grace and Peace,

Shari

Turning Point

2010-10-01T06:29:00.005-04:00

JB and Risa in Ethiopia-- March 2009

As I was writing in my journal this morning, I had a little bit of an "ah-ha" moment. Or maybe I should say, God, in His grace, pointed out a little-- but huge-- detail to me. I was lamenting about all that I wanted to do and how little time there is to do it in-- cry me a river, right?? Some things on my list:

*Implement writing/literature co-op for homeschool group
*go on more neat field trips with my kids and get on with organizing a field trip or two for our group
*decorate my home for fall-- indoors and out
*go through our checkbooks with a fine tooth comb and figure out how we managed to spend so much in the past couple of months (this job seems to always be pushed to the bottom of the stack)
*write editorial letters in support of our district's candidate for Congress
*start a book club (for adults... not kids)
*read without falling asleep at night
*create a better plan of action for my older boys' personal studies (getting them more involved and responsible) and to get us moving through history/geography quicker
*make sure I'm tracking my mileage well for my next race (Dec. 5th-- Sacramento Marathon)
*look into the small group from our church that actually meets right here in our neighborhood-- which is wonderful, since we seem to be far away from everything
*start blogging again

..... and more.

But here's the thing. As I'm writing all this down, just trying to get it out of my head and into God's hands for HIM to organize, prioritize and hand what matters back to me; this crazy thought came to me. Isn't it sooooo wonderful to have such silly, unimportant (in the grand scheme of things) matters to "worry" about?

You think I have lost my mind. You're right. But here is the point. A year ago at this time, I couldn't even fathom such things. All I could journal about was the pain I felt over whether I would ever be able to bond with my newest children-- Joshua Biruk and Rebekah Selame. Four months ago, it was really still the same-- though maybe in smaller spurts and with a little more reprieve in between. For the past year and several months, I have lived in emotional, mental limbo. Swinging from absolute conviction that adopting JB and Risa was the exact thing our family was meant to do-- to complete throat tightening anxiety that we had just made the greatest un-doable mistake ever.

Are you uncomfortable reading this? It makes me squirm a little to write it. But, what I hope you see is God's goodness, mercy and absolute grace-- which is so much greater and higher than our thoughts, emotions or own "precious" will. His love does not conform to the ideas of the world. In fact, it smacks the wisdom of the world in the face. Crazy-- the Bible really IS right!!! He will cause ALL things to work for the good of those who love Him and call on His name! (Romans 8:28); I [have] seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13-14); It is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by FAITH in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" (Gal. 2:20-21).

July 7th was our "Gotcha Day" 1 year anniversary. It seems that every day since then, joy has been restored to me. I LOVE being able to see vibrant color again and be joked out of a bad mood by my Superman :). I love being able to watch ALL my children in their antics and notice their individual personalities again, be more level headed when they have done wrong and not wonder every minute if they will ever "come out of it"-- whatever "it" is. Mostly, I love that I am able to worry about things that don't matter!! Crazy... I know.

But, here's the thing. We should ALL be so thankful and joyful to have such simple things to occupy our minds. For God has done great things in our hearts and in our lives. And He's only just begun.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

JB and Aunt Emily last Saturday (25th) at her wedding (JB & Sam were ring bearers)

Auntie Em's best fan club ever

Daddy and Risa at Aunt Em's rehersal dinner

Power to the Team Dragovich women!!

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you as His treasured possession (Deut. 14:2)..."Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." (Isa. 43:6-7)

Obviously I need to blog more

2010-04-24T14:05:00.004-04:00

Okay... I had to leave to do soccer before I was done giving labels to all the pictures. So... the rest of the pictures in the post before this one are about:

squirrel rescue in March/April. This is Lucky. His brother-- Unlucky-- is buried in my rose garden... may he rest in peace.

Pinewood Derby and Klondike racing for cub/boy scouts in Feb/March. All 3 of my cubs made it to district with their cars.... can you believe that??!!

Getting the side of the house ready for our new boat-- rocks, shovels, kids, wheelbarrows

Airsoft wars with friends for Wyatt's birthday (goggle pictures)

Bowling for Valentine's Day.

2010 events which are not captured in pictures:

Boating on Lake Jordan in our new boat for Easter-- yes, the kids DID get in the water and even tubed!!! I was just dumb and left the camera in the car.

Our first Chuck E. Cheeses adventure for a friend's birthday party-- that was too stressful to fathom taking pictures.

Spring soccer... who knows why I don't have pictures of this.

Risa going from 2 to almost 6 in 9 months. It is a long story, and one that I will not tell all of here. I guess the pictures of this can be found in the posts for the last nine months! Needless to say, we are in the process of having her birth certificate changed to more closely match what we THINK is her true age-- giving her as much lee-way as possible.... she lost her two front teeth at Christmas... her bone age is many months over 6 years.. Crazy. So.... maybe it hasn't been THAT unintentional that I haven't blogged much. I've had a lot to process-- as well as a LOT of life to live!!!!

Very full :)

Grace and Peace,
Shari

The Quarterly Update in pictures

2010-04-24T08:00:00.009-04:00

Risa at Team Dragovich's FIRST camporee with the Boy Scouts. Yes... that is right, we camped with ALL 5 kids at the beginning of the month. (April)

Yeah... I know. I am a lame blogger. I'm a much better facebook-er. Anyway. I won't even attempt to describe all that has happened in our family over the past 4 months. I'll just give you the scoop in pictures. Happy Spring to you all!!!! The pictures are in "reverse chronological order". I posted them wrong and don't have time to make them go in chronological order. :)

Handsome boys in their Scouting uniforms!

Building tunnels at VA Beach

Serious construction work in progress

Mommy and her fan club after running the VA Beach Marathon-- March 21, 2010
I won my age division and came in 20th woman overall... it was all because of my excellent cheer team!

Here I come at mile 24-- in the pink-- look at my crowd clapping me to the finish line!

This is what they do in between seeing me race

Getting ready to watch Mommy run 26.2 miles :)

Breakfast is a highlight of every marathon

Wyatt and Isaac raced in the "Final Mile" the day before my marathon.

Wyatt and Isaac waiting for their corral to race-- nervous boys :)

They have the best fan club, too!!

If you ever wonder why I run...Small Groups January Highlight Video

2010-01-27T14:16:00.002-05:00

You may wonder what could poses me to wake up at absurd hours of the morning, run in extreme weather conditions, subject my body to "physical torture" (as my boys would say) and spend hours at a time on my feet. This video put together by my church meant to highlight some of the small groups in our church, is your answer.

I realized that when I gave my testimony (which was the first one-- duh), I used the word "rough" to describe our adoption-- in an indirect way. "Miraculous" is what adoption truly is. "Rough" is just part of the miracle. I would never go back. I would never give up the rough and miss out on the miraculous. And as long as my feet will carry me, I will never stop running-- for it truly is God's gift to me. He chose running as His glorious way to "run" me through the rough places into His Miracle. Into His arms.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Hope... through child sponsorship

2010-01-15T20:33:00.004-05:00

New years bring new commitments. New resolutions. New promises to take better care of ourselves, our finances, our stuff, etc. What about considering a new way to give hope? I know of a great opportunity to directly influence children's lives with the love of Christ in 2010.

Please go visit my friends Candy and Karen. Their blogs give details on how you can bring real, life breathing hope to partial and double orphaned children of Ethiopia. You can also go to Tom Davis' blog to learn more about Children's HopeChest, the ministry responsible for the child sponsorship program to which I am directing you.

God calls His children to be His hands and feet. Pray about how you can be the hands and feet of Jesus. For $34 a month, you can provide regular meals, basic life necessities and Christian discipleship and education to children. I bet most of us could think of one less meal we could eat out a month, or some other simple pleasure we take for granted (or maybe are very thankful for, but still...) on a regular basis and have $34 to give hope to a child who has not... every month. I am not working on making you feel guilt to sponsor-- many of you already give generously, sponsor children in need, etc. But, if you have been following our family's story of adoption and wanting to know how you can make a difference or even if you ever could-- YOU CAN!!!! Here is an opportunity, and an amazing one, at that :).

May God bless you and keep you this 2010 as you consider how you can care for the widow and the orphan and give hope...

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Happy 2010!!!

2010-01-05T06:58:00.002-05:00

You know what is funny? I was looking at my last post and realized all that lovely reminiscing was about the wrong date totally!! Our "Gottcha Day" wasn't on the 11th of July.... It was the 7th. The 11th was the day we got HOME with the kids. That is funny. And so telling of what 2009 was really like for me-- blurry, confused and downright full of messiness.

At least, messiness from a human point of view. I will be honest, I am still having a hard time reflecting on 2009. You know, that favorite thing to do at the end of a year-- reflect on where you've been, dream about where you'll go... reflecting for me usually results in a slobbering mess of crying-- you know, the kind which involves snot, shoulder shaking and LOTS of forehead scrunching-- something I am working VERY hard at trying to avoid these days, less I succumb to Botox treatments.

But, all that messiness was divinely allowed and given to us specifically for a glory greater than our own. What do I mean by that? I mean, that because God purposefully allowed our family to experiences the hardships, challenges, trials and sadnesses that He did, we have been changed-- and changed for the better. You might wonder what the heck I am talking about-- I mean, we had the joy of adding to our family in 2009!! And you are right, that was a huge joy for our family!! And the blessings of adoption continue to be worked out in our lives-- individually and collectively. But like any new "birth", there are challenges: physically, emotionally, mentally, and any other "-ly" you can think of. Couple that with the unique challenges of adopting older children, and that alone can rock your world.

So, there were the challenges of adoption in 2009. There were the challenges of a 6 month deployment in 2009. There was a death of a beloved grandfather and all the challenges that went with that personally for me (grieving without my husband, getting myself and the boys to IL by myself and back on short notice). There were the everyday challenges that seemed to be magnified by all the above-- just doing life as a single parent or with two new children who you are trying to integrate into the family. There were financial challenges that we faced with adoption. There were work challenges that Tony faced besides deployment-- having to "hit the ground running" so to speak once he set foot on American soil.

I'm not trying to drum up a pity-party here. I hope you don't get that impression. I am simply laying out 2009 for Team Dragovich. Why? Hopefully, so you can see the Glory of God through our lives. His grace-- love in action-- is the ONLY thing that has allowed us to still be standing today. And not just standing... but thriving. When I look back at 2009 and think of some of the places I had to go-- whether it was 2 trips to IL and back by myself (& the boys, of course), or Ethiopia, just to soccer 5 times a week in the spring while my husband was deployed; there is not one single instance that I can recall when I felt "alone". In my fear, He reassured me. In my sorrow, He comforted me. In my frustration, He gave me compassion, insight and wisdom. In my tiredness (which was A LOT!!), He gave me new strength. In my uncertainty, He gave me solid hope in His Word.

I won't lie. I do NOT want a repeat of 2009 :). But I do not wish to take it back, either. I would never want any of it to be different, or not to have had to walk through it. It was a year of refining fire for all of us. God kept His promises-- He brought my husband home safely, He kept the boys and I safe and comforted, He did a new thing in our family through adoption and most importantly, He kept His Word to me-- my verse from Psalms which He directed me to on the week of Tony's deployment at the end of 2008, has come to fruition: "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of hte Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" Psalm 27: 13-14

This year, I have asked for and am looking forward to fruit. Not apples and oranges! Fruit of the Spirit. Fruit of joy, peace, patience, etc. Fruit of a life lived by the Grace of God and in righteousness in Him, alone. I have seen the work He has started in us. And where He has planted us is good-- "like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in due season and whose leaf does not wither" (Ps. 1:3). What looks like chaos in our lives from the outside is really God working on us, in us and through us from the inside-- planting and establishing us in His eternal grace and love. Our family has not withered from the pressures of 2009. We have grown stronger. We know only God can do such a thing. And so, I look forward to the fruit of 2010-- and I will continue to go out on a limb with my Savior, in order to get it!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

5 Months ago Today...

2009-12-11T18:27:00.006-05:00

5 Monthes ago on this very day, Tony and I drove out of a gated Transition Home with two new children to add to Team Dragovich. In the adoption world, we call this "Gotcha Day". It is the day that you pick up your children and they become forever a part of your family. Your "forever family"-- another adoption phrase. To try and go back and thread out the emotions which were flashing in and out of my entire being is about impossible. Some days I look back and it seems like that was forever ago. Some days, it was only last week.

Now, here we are, 5 months later. Could I ever have imagined the impact this adoption and these children and our new "forever family" dynamic would make into the very center of my soul? Absolutely not. I'm still imagining it and being opened up to it and walking through each new fold that opens. There are some days in which I still feel like I am swimming in a fog-- less and less this is the case, but still sometimes. The funny thing is, I remember thinking that way BEFORE adoption! Now, I think-- Gee, Shari-- you sure did have it easy "back then"!!!

In five months I have experienced some amazing transformations in my children. Sam and JB are fast becoming inseparable. And Risa is usually in there somewhere. Wyatt and Isaac are working hard to be helpful, positive and interact with the kids in playful ways. The majority of their time together-- which is considerable since we homeschool!-- all 5 of them are playing contentedly and enjoying one another. One of my favorite things is to hear one of the big boys explain to a new friend or some confused child; "YES. We are ALL brothers and sister. We ALL belong to the same family. This is my brother and this is my brother and THIS is my brother and THIS is my sister!" There are soooo many other things they could say, "Yeah, this is my adopted brother," or "He is my brother, but he is adopted...", etc... but they don't. It never even comes close to being uttered from their mouths. They claim JB and Risa with certainty and conviction. You may think I am weird for thinking such things, or offering my praise to my bio kids for saying something that I would hope to goodness that they would say anyway... but I take nothing for granted. Of course, Tony and I have always taught them that GOD alone puts a family together and He has put OUR family together-- through birth and adoption and both are of equal, eternal value. No difference, in that regard. But THEY have to accept this truth within their own hearts. I cannot force them to believe it. So... to have them be so positive and proud to others about their new brother and sister... like I said, it is one of my favorite things.

The transformation within JB and Risa continues to work itself out. Now that they have been home 5 months, we can sort of see what behaviors are still lingering and what deeper issues such behaviors may be pointing to-- beyond just the trauma of moving them from their homeland and into our family. JB in particular, exhibits behaviors which directly point to a lack of emotional health. He is attaching more slowly-- though he desperately works for our attention and affection-- it is spastic (for lack of a better word), controlling and tense. I have been re-reading some of my adoption literature on attachment, especially in regards to emotional development-- phases of, milestones of each phase, reviewing checklists for emotional health of children at the end of each phase, etc. JB has some gaps. Though there are many emotionally healthy things that JB DOES do-- and even has begun to do since he has been home-- there are a few key things that he does NOT do which, I believe, if we do not address them directly, will cause his emotional "heart" to mature in a warped, unhealthy way.

What is challenging about the things that we are directly tackling is that they are things that any child raised in a safe, secure, loving environment from early on would naturally develop. For most of us, we don't even think about having to "teach" our children how to accept affection, allow us to comfort them or relax in our arms. We take for granted that when they are hurt they will tell us what is wrong and cuddle into our comforting arms. When our children are older, we USUALLY don't have to worry about them throwing a temper tantrum of a 2-3 year old EVERY time they are mad (which happens A LOT in a day)-- or become reduced to a fit of crying when one of their siblings does something they don't like, ESPECIALLY if what the sibling did was meant as a gesture of love-- like patting the child's back, or trying to put their arm around him like a buddy does.

This is where we are at. I have always known-- like that crazy mommy instinct-- that JB's "heart" seemed to have some holes in it-- holes that went beyond the normal trauma and attachment issues all families walk through with their kids who are adopted-- especially those who adopt older kids. I think it is a super great place to be, because it is a place of deeper understanding, concrete and direct interventions/strategies... but best of all, it is a place of being in total and utter dependence of My God who does NOT withhold any good thing from His children! I know that I am so out of my realm of human wisdom, savvy or strength. It is only by the daily, moment by moment grace (action) of God in and through Tony and myself that JB's heart will heal. God's gotta do it-- but we have been chosen to be His hands and feet.

The final piece of all this is my own health and well-being. For 5 months, I have been in a whirlwind of emotions, added workload, added needs, adjusting to 5 children who are in a constant clamor for my love, attention, help, etc... This has left me, well... Exhausted. Beyond the normal "I have 5 kids" exhausted. Strangely, this was a light bulb moment for me-- I know, I'm quick, aren't I? :) All the sudden it dawned on me that for as many strides as JB has and continues to make, and as much as I am working with him on specific emotional issues-- he leaves me sooooooo weary. I mean-- that boy WEARS ME OUT!!! If you have someone you love in your life who is depressed or emotionally unstable and they just seem to suck life OUT of you, then you know exactly what I am talking about. (Note: if you are thinking, "Well, YEAH, Shari! Just reading your BLOGS sucks the life out of me!!"-- kindly keep it to yourself!). Strangely, this "lightbulb" moment was somewhat of a final confirmation that we are dealing with some issues of woundedness in our youngest son. So, part of our strategies for helping Joshua Biruk also need to include strategies for allowing me to experience some way of finding respite and an outside interest to invest more creative energy towards-- even if it is just getting to pursue new running goals, study more about gardening... or... maybe... learn a new language --just kidding!

5 Months ago Tony and I drove out of a gated Transition Home with two new children we didn't know at all but we called them son and daughter. Today... I am still getting to know them; but one thing I DO know in the depths of my soul-- Joshua Biruk and Rebekah Selame Dragovich ARE my-- God given, God designed and God planned from before the beginning of time-- son and daughter.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

As Promised: Pictures

2009-12-05T16:56:00.003-05:00

Team Dragovich Fall 2009

Enjoy!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

"The tyranny of the urgent"

2009-12-04T07:39:00.004-05:00

My life is flashing before my eyes. I want this blog to be so much more exciting, more posted on, more effective for orphans... blah, blah, blah. Instead, all I can seem to do is post once in a blue moon and ramble on about my personal thoughts, emotional battles, crazy life experiences as a mom and a family who took the plunge into God's heart for adoption. And what a plunge it has been AND continues to be. :)

It is so fun to watch JB and Risa experience all these "firsts" in our family... first birthdays (although that one was a little traumatic for JB), first family trip-- again, traumatic, but so good for our family; first Thanksgiving-- which was NOT a traditional Team Dragovich Thanksgiving at all; first Christmas tree finding and trimming, first Advent season, etc. Last night, during our bedtime prayers, JB thanked God for "Mommy making Christmas so beautiful". My heart was stolen into his and again, I was jolted into a new "view" of their little lives-- and our life as a family.

My heart screams out for the lives of the millions and millions of children living day to day, not knowing the love of a mother and father. One thing that JB is continually commenting on, roll-playing or talking to me about, is how Tony and I interact with one another. He always wants to "show" me how Daddy gives me hugs and kisses when he comes home from work, or how Daddy holds my hand when we are driving in the "makina" (car), or how we make funny faces at or tease each other-- things I completely take for granted. For JB, it is fascinating. Sometimes, he will say, out of the blue... "Daddy and Mommy, no hit?" Or, if he is in one of his silly, confused, insecure, teasing moods, he will say, "Daddy and a Mommy-- hit, hit, hit... ha, ha, ha!", then pretend he is "daddy", hitting "mommy" in the face. Of course, I am so very quick to correct him and reinforce how much Daddy and I love each other and are kind to one another. We will NEVER hit one another. But, all the while my head is reeling with sick wonder at what he saw before us and my stomach knots when I imagine it.

In general, the boy is fixated with "hitting". He talks about it alot, accuses others of doing it to him alot (unfounded-- beyond the normal brother, boyish hands-on behavior), roll plays it a lot, etc. He is super-oversensitive about it all and cries at the drop of a hat. And when he cries, it is a high-pitched, screeching, nerve-wracking cry. You would think that the kid was having his limbs pulled from his body, one at a time. And then... he just stops. He gets over it and moves on. Where any of my other children who are annoyed at their sibling will just say, "knock it off", or tattle, have me ignore their tattling and move on-- JB screams, wails and then stops. I am JUST now starting to distinguish these cries and not over-react to them. And, for as affectionate he has become with me especially-- constant hugs, kisses, holding hands, stroking my face and words of endearment-- he refuses to be comforted when he truly is hurt. He becomes stiff as a board when I pick him up, rocks back and forth, stops crying and then says, "All done, no more JB owie". I am working through all these things with him, trying to teach him to relax in my arms and give lots and lots of "off the spot" loving. Most the time I think I am blundering through it all, but he is making progress and God is good.

Did I mention that my heart screams for the faces of those left behind? The statistics of the world-wide orphan crisis are staggering. Here again, I find the task of giving you the numbers myself to be one step outside my time to blog ability. So here is the link to one family who has a ton of great stats:

My Crazy Adoption

There are others. If you go visit many of the families from my blog roll you will find more great stats, personal stories and practical ways you can be the hands and feet of Jesus and fight for the widow and the orphan. Another family who has some EXCELLENT ways you can give while you shop this holiday season is the Steiger family. Here is the link to Lenka's blog:

The Steiger Clan

It is more than frustrating to me to be in such a season where the "tyranny of the urgent" seems to always win over the "vision focused living". I hate not being more organized, more of a champion for the cause of adoption. I want so badly to do so much more... but alas, I cannot even go to the bathroom without have 2-3 children crying out my name in "desparate" need of something--and none of them are infants. Even to post this morning, I was interrupted SEVERAL times, we are now behind in our school day... and if I wait for tonight to blog, my brain will be fried in to several unrecognizable pieces all over my living room floor. You would probably be either incredibly disturbed or offended to read what would end up on the page.

That is so dramatic, isn't it? :)

Hopefully, later this weekend, I will post pictures of our latest adventures. We traveled last week to Elizabeth City to play while Tony worked and had some pretty fun adventures-- but mostly just more time to "pressure cook" together as a family. It was a good thing :).

Grace and Peace to you... and thank you for listening...

Shari

Some fall fun and some firsts...

2009-11-02T16:18:00.006-05:00

Seems like we are truckin' right a long with life. Soccer season officially ended on Saturday-- oh, was that a HURRAAAAYYYYY you heard from the eastern part of the U.S.? It is fun to watch the kids play soccer and it was especially fun to watch JB and Sam play together on the same team. But, it is a lot of work to have that many kids playing at one time and I am ready for some down time-- or maybe just "different" time. What is "down" time anyway??

JB and Risa continue to unfold and become a bit more comfortable in their Team Dragovich skin. And we continue to walk through the adjusting and bonding process. Sam & JB are definitely becoming tight. It is fun to watch. They are both so creative in their play and until JB came home, Sam seemed to always be pretending to be something or play something-- by himself. He played with his older brothers A LOT, but there were just many times when they couldn't keep up with what was-- and is-- going on inside his little brain. I know how they feel! I can't keep up with the mind of Sam either!

There are still some oversensitivities-- oversensitive to sharing toys, teasing, touching, etc... but there is MUCH more happy laughter, hours of joyful and creative playing and TONS of communication-- enough to make my head explode. Having FIVE talkative children around me 24/7 is a whole new level of chaos that I am constantly working on breathing through :)

Here are some pics of our fall, end of soccer and Halloween '09. Excuse me while I attend to an oversensitivity-- let's see if I make it better or make it worse. Always a toss up :)

Risa after somersalting

Sam after... who knows what

Bammer and Mommy

Risa and Daddy

Sam & JB with their trophies

Pre-Halloween chaos

Posing for Halloween chaos (L to R: Army sniper, Little John, Snow White, The Black Prince of the Hundred Year's War, Aslan with a sword)

Post-Halloween... aaahhh

Grace & Peace,
Shari

JB & Me

2009-10-18T21:25:00.004-04:00

Mommy and her African babes :)

Now, those are some handsome boys!

Have you ever just been so overwhelmed with the fullness of your life?? I don't mean "fullness" as in stuffed to the gills with appointments, places to be, kids to clean up after, schedules to keep, etc... though certainly I DO get overwhelmed with those things. Way more often than I should or want to admit. No. I'm talking about a fullness that bursts forth with life, love and gratitude. There almost aren't words for it. All I know, is that when it happens-- that knowing of "fullness"-- there is an overwhelming sense that this life I am living is SOOOO much larger than me and yet, I have been chosen for "such a time as this" and for such a purpose as well. I have been given the husband, children, lifestyle, opportunities, responsibilities-- ALL of it-- for an eternal reason. Beyond me. Beyond human explanation and into a much greater, more expansive purpose. And it is good.

I love those moments. It is as if the veil is lifted and I can see clearly. I can see the point of it all... those every day struggles don't seem so tedious and mundane. Every task is God-given and God-ordained. My children's flaws are overshadowed by the beauty of who God has created them to be and gifted them to grow into. My husband is truly my knight in shining armor and my own struggles, weaknesses, fears and/or future plans pale in comparison to the Almighty Love of the Almighty Purifier of my mind, body, spirit and soul.

Ahhh.... and then the curtain closes. I don't know why, but somehow, the cares of the world and any unchecked sins try to creep in and steal my joy. I'm not really sure why I even bother to tell you all this, other than it is this feeling of "fullness" that is the only way I can describe the life of adoption. Overwhelming. Bigger than me or anything I could fathom. Thankfulness. Yes. Overwhelming gratitude. Even in the midst of the struggles and tensions and wondering. I hope when you've read my posts over the past few months you have walked away with more than just the "hard things". I hope you have seen the calling of God and His Grace to accomplish that which He has begun and the continuing walk of faith and that this walk is not always pretty. But it's not all ugly and pot-hole filled either. I think...no, I KNOW our eyes have been opened to a whole new understanding of God's love through adoption. On so many levels. His deep abiding love for His children to know Him deeply and fully. His compassionate love for the poor, the widowed, the orphaned of the world. His gracious and un-ending love for ALL mankind to come to Him and be adopted into His family and become heirs to the throne of Grace! And what we are to do with all this "knowing" and new "eye-sight"-- oh my. That is for a whole different post!

I can't even tell you all the ways that adoption has changed our family for all eternity for God's Glory... but I am seeing some of it. Maybe only during those times the veil is lifted, but it is there and God is faithful. Even in the seemingly "bad" moments and days. You know... it has been very frustrating for me. And I wish I could say that I have been able to handle the "hardness" with great maturity and compassion. Not so much. But... here is the amazing thing. God is binding our hearts despite of my mess-ups and is faithful to continue teaching ME how to love and live in His fullness.

And here is another amazing miraculous thing. Despite the childish pettiness (and not always from the children, mind you!), misunderstandings, mis-translations, etc... JB is coming alive-- fully ALIVE!!! When he first came home, he clung to Tony inappropriately and tolerated me. He didn't know how to hug, didn't know how to handle affection and couldn't make eye contact to save his life. He cried at the drop of the hat and seemed only to know how to hit, bite, pinch or cry his way through communication. I struggled so desperately to be compassionate and then cried almost nightly at my own guilt over the lack of compassion, the fear of never "feeling" love, grieving for our family to never look the same again, wallowing in the agony of being the "2nd mom"-- agonizing for him, his biological mother and myself. I wish I could tell you I grieved FOR him. I DID grieve for his loss before he came home. When we got our referral back in February and learned of his story. I grieved then. And, since he has been home, I have been able to enter into his grief with him and hold him with a sense of God-given understanding. But not at first. Not for many weeks.

JB & Me in Ethiopia

But, now I see a new thing happening. The old is going and God's newness is slowly coming. In spurts and fits at first. But now it is flowing stronger and stronger every day. Is there still chaos? YES. Do I "feel" like we are a family yet? Hmmm.... what is your definition and what are your qualifying factors? It doesn't "feel" like it ever did before they came home, but I don't think that will ever happen again! How silly of me to think it should. JB hugs me every day and his favorite thing is to give me "loooooonnnng time, kisses, Mom." :) and "Everybody hug, Mommy and JB". Tony is currently on his second out-of-town trip and JB did no more than hug his dad goodbye and off he went to continue playing-- just like the other boys. He still teases quite a bit, but it is good natured and he seems to be learning when enough is enough. He is quite the chatterbox and LOVES for me to see him do ANYTHING! Every goal he makes in soccer (which is a considerable amount) ends with a look my way to be sure I saw it. He inhales school time with me like he inhales chocolate ice cream-- his few favorite snack. And he always wants me to sit down and watch his new favorite movie with him-- currently Narnia. We've moved on from Spirit.

JB & Me tonight (3 months home)

Have I mentioned that God is good? :) He is. Enjoy the photos.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

This was how he immediately "posed" when I asked if he wanted a picture with Mommy

God Made Smiling Eyes

2009-09-29T07:21:00.001-04:00

Life is moving forward at a break-neck pace. I wish I could say I am handling it well and flying right along—enjoying the wind in my hair and the excitement of the forever new adventure. But alas, I hate getting tangles and I’m tired of lacing up my Indiana Jones boots. September began with a week long trip to IL to celebrate my mom’s retirement. It was a very fun trip—full of family, catching up with loved ones, time on the farm and bonding for the newest Team Dragovich additions. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was pretty stressful, too. How would JB and RiSa react to my family? How would my family react to them? How would I react to all these reactions??? Of course, everyone showered them with love and even if they were cringing on the inside from the sheer amount of chaos my children now bring to every situation, they patiently endured the screeching, grumbling, crying laughing & general constant commotion with smiles, hugs and funny comments. Truthfully, I was mostly worried that the new kids would become clingy with my parents and begin to shun Tony and me for meeting their needs. I was also worried that the old kids would feel slighted or become jealous at the extra attention being focused on the new kids. I have read too many books and this is not a good thing. None of those things happened, and while I did notice some “old” patterns of behavior come out—especially in JB, no one regressed to “1^st week home” behavior and again, I witnessed the refining fire of another “pressure cooker” experience. Like going to Florida, we were all stuck together and HAD to interact, deal with one another and learn to work through our differences.

Now, post-IL trip has been a bit hairy—for me mostly. For whatever reason, I experienced within myself a resurgence of “unnatural mommy-hood” syndrome. For whatever reason, I felt like I stepped backwards in my bonding an attaching with the new kids. Affection and compassion have been at a premium and that feeling like I am caring for someone else’s kids has been working at resurging. Praise God that He is at work and our “feelings” cannot be trusted!! I am not going to try to suppose why this happened. It is too hard and too full of potholes. Early on I made a promise to not sit and wonder every day when I would feel like JB and RiSa’s mom. I gave that up to the Lord to handle and am STILL giving it to Him to handle. Having said that, I would be lying (again) if I didn’t admit that my mind still wanders over to wanting to figure out “when” the feelings will be there, instead of focusing on the truth of God’s goodness, His deeper love & His plan for our children and our family.

I doubt that it has helped matters any to hit the ground running, either. Meaning, the two weeks following our trip home have been filled with beginning all our new routines (piano lessons, homeschool PE) plus doctor visits, dentist appointments, weekend soccer games, parties, etc. Amazingly, the kids—ALL of them—have handled the chaos incredibly well. Tony and I have continually commented on this fact after each event. And the people we see at all our outings are continually amazed that the new kids have been home for only 2 months. Other than one incident when JB snaked a toy from a 3 year old during a kids’ game this last weekend—which was incredibly awkward, embarrassing and yet ended up being a GREAT learning experience for him—all 5 kids have flowed in and out of our social gatherings, soccer games, out-of-house homeschool routines, etc. with little fuss, whine or the typical aftermath of meltdown.

I’m not sure what to make of all that is going on in my head and in my heart during this season of life. One thing I know for sure is that it is refinement and “the blowing away of the chaff” in my life. Some days I wake up and the colors of world are bold and vivacious. The smiles of my children are brighter, purer, wider and full of love. Other days I wake up and it is all I can do to smile back. One thing I am learning for sure, is that true love—God love—is NOT a human love. It is not something that I can manufacture within my own power. I also am learning that the love I can produce is not enough and it never will be enough and it isn’t MEANT to be enough. The love I can produce—without the help of the Holy Spirit-- will always have a selfish edge to it. It will always whisper, “What about me? Who is going to love me back?” That kind of love will not propel a relationship into true unity. It will not bind a marriage into oneness. It will not raise a child to truly “go in the way that he or she is bent to go”, or provide the springboard for them to soar.

But it is the God love-- the eternal, larger-than-life love-- that only comes from a daily surrender of myself to the One who CAN love in all those ways; who can cause all of the above to happen. And happen with fullness and abundance. I think that is why one of our family’s life verses is John 10:10… “The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy; I come that they might have LIFE and have it to the FULL.” Our lives are not our own. They belong to the Lord Jesus Christ and He means for us to have FULL, ABUNDANT life IN HIM. The “full” life that Jesus speaks of isn’t full of “stuff” or earthly treasures. Rather it is a life—eternal life which is happening here on this earth and goes on for eternity—marked by fullness of relationships and the joy, peace and contentment which rises out of living with our “eyes fixed on Jesus”; walking in the path He has marked for us, doing the good works He has prepared for us to do in advance, and loving others with His “God-Love”—a love that WILL bring heaven down here to earth.

And here is the best part. GOD IS FAITHFUL and I am seeing a depth of His Love that I never even knew existed—right here in my home, in the heart of our adoption. I am overcome with emotion when I am able to sit back and contemplate all that He has done in our children’s lives—all of them—and all that He is continuing to do. And when I look a RiSa and JB and try to think back to those first few weeks home, I barely see a shadow of the scared, tearful, clingy yet resistant children we brought home from Ethiopia. Now every morning is met with hugs and kisses and every night is the same. There is so much “I lub you, Mommy” in my life and I can barely turn around without someone right there to give me a hug. RiSa tells me almost daily how much I am “Konjo”—beautiful. Sunday afternoon she was sitting at the table finishing lunch (which takes her a considerable amount of time to do) and chattering away about how beautiful I am, she is and the guys are. She was grinning ear to ear and you could just see the God-love oozing out of her. I was contemplating this as I was listening to her and thinking of what a change this was from 6 weeks ago when she would sit at the table and give me those evil “cat eyes” that girls do so well. I remember many days the first month especially, calling her out on those evil-eyes and teaching her to “smile with her eyes”.

I was agreeing with her about how beautiful Team Dragovich was and how God made us a beautiful family to be together.She was quiet for a while after that—back to eating, you know. Then she looked up at me and with a huge messy food face grin announced, “Mommy, God made smiling eyes.”

Yes, my sweet gift from God… He did.

Yes, we are alive-- and even doing well!!!

2009-09-16T07:51:00.004-04:00

RiSa digs birthdays-- who cares if it is hers!

Oops! Team Dragovich has been sorta busy for the last few weeks! But... we are doing well and truckin' right along! Let me see if I can soothe your withdrawls (ha, ha!) with some pictures. I'll try to post a more in-depth analysis of our latest adventures when I get more time-- RIGHT!!! (I mean, I WILL post later but let's just be clear that it won't be because I have time. I will be because I have chosen to neglect some real responsibility or child for a time so I can post to the blog.)

JB wasn't so sure about celebrating his b-day, but he wasn't about to say no to presents!

Too much attention, but smiling anyway

JB isn't so sure about birthdays, but keeps on smiling

Sam definitely knows what to do for birthdays!! The pictures are out of order, but his was before JB's in August

More to come!
Grace and Peace,
Shari

Birthday, beach and Vomit????

2009-08-23T09:49:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm getting ready to commit a huge bloggie sin... and I have done it before, but this is really bad. I am getting ready to post about my newest son's first b-day as a member of Team Dragovich-- and I am NOT loading pictures. This is not by choice. I used Tony's camera to take pictures and he can't find the cord I need to upload the pics onto my camera. To make matters worse... I didn't even TAKE a camera yesterday to our day trip to the beach because again, Tony's camera is missing a cord AND his card is full... and my camera's battery is dead and I can't find the charger-- which it doesn't really hold a charge anymore, so I see the end of my camera coming... but still. How shameful.

So... Thursday, August 20th, was JB's 6th birthday. Luckily, Sam's b-day was two weeks before, so he got to see a birthday in real time as we celebrate here at Team D. As the days approached to his big celebration, we would mention to him that he was going to have a birthday soon. He would smile and say, "No. Biruk-e birthday. No". We didn't really know why he kept saying this, other than maybe it wasn't the day yet, so maybe he was confused. Then, when Thursday came, we all got up and did our birthday thing and he kept saying, "No. No, Biruk-e Birthday. Sam's birthday. No, Biruk-e birthday". Every time we would tell him happy birthday, or say, yes, it WAS his birthday, he would say no. He tolerated our birthday fun all day, but denied that it was ever his birthday. Tony and I were somewhat puzzled over this, not really knowing if we were making him upset, if he didn't understand, etc. We thought once we did the cake and presents, he would brighten up and say, "Sure! It can be my birthday!" Instead he seemed so uncomfortable and uncertain of what to make of all the fuss over him. And at one point, I thought he was going to cry. He kept his silly smile plastered on his face the entire time, but when Tony kept telling him it was his his birthday and he kept saying no, I wasn't so sure we weren't headed for trouble. The crazy thing is, I think it was exactly what he needed. The persistent attention, the celebration of him, the constant, "Yes! It IS your birthday!!"... he just doesn't know how to handle the attention, affection and consistent love. Tony and I had a long discussion and just wondering outloud about his entire reaction. We laughed that we had just witnessed a first-- a kid who DIDN'T want a BIRTHDAY!! Now, let me just clarify-- he DID want the presents and was happy to unwrap gifts labeled "JB". But, consistent with a lot of his little quirks, the anti-birthday reaction helped put more of a face on our little boy's tough life before us. Joshua-Biruk wears a lot of masks to hide the hurt that he has experienced already in life. Most of those masks seem to present themselves in ultra-silly behavior, resistance to a lot of attention and focus on him, immediate "wounded" behavior when he is offended by a brother, over obsessiveness over Tony... there are more than just these, but Tony and I see these masks the most.

But... PRAISE GOD!!!... we are seeing less and less of the "beaten down little puppy" and more and more of the truly wonderful boy, God has perfectly created. It seems as though in the past two weeks, we have started to turn a corner-- or maybe it is more of a very wide turn... but either way, ALL of us have begun to settle more and more into our new, expanded family. I know I have talked before about lack of eye contact-- just in the last week, JB has looked at me-- ON HIS OWN-- EVERY time I have asked him to!!!! And he will even maintain eye contact for more than 2 seconds! Even when it is for discipline purposes for which I am speaking to him... he looks directly at me, and responds in an appropriate way. He speaks to the boys before he whines at them. They have many hours a day of appropriate and happy playtime together AND he seems to be really digging both soccer AND homeschool-- both of which started this week. And the boys have become INFINITELY more compassionate, kind and tolerant of him. Every day we pray, multiple times a day, for God to weave our hearts together as a family and He is so very faithful. Of course He is!

Okay, so that was a lot about the "birthday"... I'll try to be more concise on the "beach & Vomit"... as they sorta go together. Earlier this week, Tony got a wild hair to take a day trip to the beach-- we live about 2+ hours away and have made it a day trip before. We're crazy like this. He wanted to see the Hurricane Bill waves. Sure! I RARELY turn down a trip to the ocean! So, yesterday morning we get up and out the door later than we wanted, but still pretty early and headed to the beach. I noticed that RiSa was more crabby and lethargic than normal as we got ready to go. She was more fussy and sassy. I assumed she was mad that we weren't eating breakfast before heading out the door-- the girl likes her food. Well... after about 40 minutes in the car, I found out the real culprit. RiSa was sick!!!! She still is. She threw up consistently on the drive to the beach and once while we were there. JB joined her, of course in the vomiting fun-- you know, he gets car sick pretty easily and we don't get to "our" beach via interstate-- two lane state roads, through little towns, full of starts and stops, slow moving vehicles, turns and uneven pavements. She seemed to liven up at the beach. We all had a blast in the waves and sand, came home sufficiently lobstered and I thought all was well. No. She started throwing up again around 7pm last night and is STILL throwing up. It is 10:30 am on Sunday. I have never had a child throw up for over 24 hours. And once she started vomiting last night, she maintained a steady rate of "sick, Mommy" every ten minutes or so. To say that I feel like my head is in a fog right now is an understatement. And I'm still blogging. Whatever. Pour me more coffee. My husband is calling me his "hero" and has crowned me a saint for "letting" him sleep all night while I stayed up. As if I could have woken him from his coma sleep if I tried. What a goof ball. :)

Okay... last but not least... here are a few more quick notes of our last week:

*We started doing school this week. Tricky with 5 kids in-tow, but after a few adjustments to the schedule and activities to keep little bodies busy at the right time... we had a GREAT WEEK!! Who knows what chaos will come, but at least I am over the "starting school again" hump.

*JB seems to really dig school. Don't get me wrong, he loves to play more, but he comes very willingly to the table when it is his turn for "Mommy time" (one-on-one instruction) and has even taken a couple of the things we discussed this week during story time and applied them to every day (the boys sees every American flag we drive by-- and is sure to point them out to me-- "MOM! FLAG-- America Flag!" Too cute)

*The RiSa cuteness factor continues... this morning AS she was vomiting into her puke bucket, Isaac made the comment, "Mom, I just can't get over how CUTE Selame looks in those new pajamas!" She's even cute when she is vomiting-- at least to SOME of us :)

*I have been able to run more lately. I either run while at the soccer fields during practice-- that is, when Tony comes with us, too; or I put RiSa in the jogger, JB and Sam ride their bikes and I even bring Penny-- the dog-- along. I let Wyatt and Isaac stay home, since I am staying right inside our little neighborhood. I can get about 3 1/2 miles out of the boys, and of course, RiSa is happy to ride as long as I can push her :).

*We found out that both of RiSa's ear drums are perforated this week. We are being referred to ENT where we will determine what needs to be done. Obviously, this happened before we had her-- not sure if the holes will close on their own or not. They must be pretty large to still be open after such a long time. We never received any reports while she was in the Transition Home that she had a bad ear infection-- not sure that we would have-- but still... I'm a little concerned that they won't heal on their own and she will need to have them surgically repaired. None of my children have ever needed to be operated on, yet. When the realization hit me (more like Tony mentioned it-- very casually, I might add-- yesterday on the way to the beach), my heart dropped to my stomach and I almost started crying. Then I knew...

... these ARE my children, given to me by God, Himself for a purpose and a plan.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

One month down... an eternity to go!!!

2009-08-15T09:47:00.003-04:00

Well, it appears that I am back to "reflecting" (aka-- purging my inner thoughts and turmoil) less and moving through our new family dynamics more and more. Thus, the two weeks between posts! And, really... I should be running. For real. I skipped meeting my running group on Ft. Bragg this morning due to multiple RiSa interuptions to my sleep. Not to mention a husband who came home LATE-- or should I say, early morning??-- from the neighborhood poker match... he just COULDN'T leave, he says. He was winning. Whatever. All that to say, by the time the alarm went off at o'dark hundred, I was not responding. It has to be pretty bad for me not to leave at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning and steal away some "adult" time as well as get in a good run. Now I'm wondering if I should have just sucked it up and gone... hmmmm...

Enough of that.

So much of this side of adoption reminds me of the first months of bringing home a baby-- no matter what the ages of the children... maybe those who have brought home much older children would disagree. In alot of ways, we DID bring home at least ONE baby-- and some times I think... well... nevermind. :) A fellow adoption friend was encouraging me on the phone yesterday and saying how even it has been a month and that feels like a long time right now, when I look back after a year or more, it will be a fog. I concure... I DON'T really feel like it has been a long time since they have been home. I know that "foggy" feeling all too well... I've done it three times so far, and thankfully I am getting a "two for one" deal on this "foggy season"!! I long for the days when I will wake up and not say, "Oh! Here you still are!!" Not in a bad way or an "I wish you weren't here" way; but in a "Wait a minute. How do I parent ALL of you, again?? Oh that's right. There is no manual. I have no clue. Okay. What's for breakfast??" Am I scaring you yet?

The boys are adoring their little sister. I often hear out of one of their mouths every day, "Mom, I think she is the cutest thing ever!" or "Mom, she is sooooo cute!" or "Mom, she is the cutest girl I've ever seen!!" Lots of cuteness. As for little brother??? Not so much. This has been one of the hardest things for me to watch as a parent. The subtle and not-so-subtle rejection of my children to my children. And to make it all more confusing and frustrating to me is the fact that in a lot of ways, I can understand their actions-- I did not say I CONDONE or ACCEPT or ALLOW their actions... I just said I UNDERSTAND. This, of course, says as much about my lack of "seeing through God's-eyes" as it does theirs. The great thing is that I see progress. More of like two steps forward and one step back progress... but progress, none-the-less. JB is a lot more complicated than RiSa is. He can be very obstinate when he wants to be. He is quick to whine when he doesn't get his way. He won't listen to the boys when they tell him to stop doing whatever annoying thing he is doing all the while laughing uncontrollably because he thinks it is funny. Unfortunately for him, these things all add up to "annoying little brother syndrome". Poor kid!! But, the progress I see is in these little things: when he pouts, it lasts less time than it used to. When he is "offended" by one of his brothers he doesn't do his Ethiopian wail (WAAaaAAaaAAAaaAAAA... WAAAaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaa and so one) as quickly or as long term as before. Note: I call this the "Ethiopian" wail because RiSa's whiny cry sounds the same. Maybe some other adoptive parents can concure this same cry???). He is making better eye-contact than ever before-- although we still have a LONG way to go in this department and I will be very honest in saying that for Tony and I, this eye-contact thing-- especially when he has misbehaved-- is VERY FRUSTRATING. You don't have to tell me how common it is. I know. It is still frustrating. He ADORES Tony. He seems to like me, as long as Tony isn't around. And he always wants me to watch him do some new thing-- esp. in the water. But, he saves all his kisses for Tony and when I tell him how much I love him, he always says, "NO love. Daddy love Biruk-e." Then he smiles and goes off to play, not knowing the inner turmoil between knowing in my head to not take it personally and trying to stop the bleeding in my heart. Like I said-- or at least implied-- bonding and attaching with JB is definately a different road with more twists and turns.

Some other highlights: we made an impromptu trip with Tony to Florida this week. He had a conference to attend in which he was speaking and at the last minute I decided I would rather risk it with 5 kids on a resort than be stuck at home for 4 days with them-- despite the familiar territory. I knew it would be a stretch, but we talked it over and just did it. I'm SOOOO glad we did. Not to say it was the easiest thing to do-- 7 people packed like gypsies in a hotel room (is that politically correct to say?)-- but here are some of the highlights:

** JB is practically swimming. Four pools, the Gulf of Mexico and three brothers you are desparately trying to keep up with, will do that for ya. He was unrelenting and I have to say that the hours we spent working with him to "move the water" resulted in some great bonding and eye-contact practice.

**After driving about 4 plus hours, RiSa started to say indignitely from the middle row, "MOM. House! Mom... Houuuse." "MOM. Draga-bich HOUSE!!" Sweet. My girl can't say her last name without using foul language. I have to confess that this was HILARIOUS!!!!! One for the Memory book.

**Tony and I both think that JB came home from FL more relaxed and connected with all of us than when we went. I consider that trip a "pressure-cooker" of sorts. 5 days of forced close proximity-- esp. between him and the boys. They HAD to interact and although we had a lot of tussles and fussy arguments, somehow God worked in spite of it. It has helped me look at our upcoming school year with a little more anticipation and a little less fear :)

**More than once (as you can imagine) I heard these words, "Are these ALL your children??" "Why, yes!" I would reply proudly. "They are." Some other common comments: "God bless you." "There is an invisible halo over your head and a place in heaven waiting for you." "Wow. I thought four was a lot! And you look so YOUNG!" Yeah... I liked that one. I won't lie. And even as uncomfortable as the rest of the comments were to hear-- It was amazing how at that moment, I was encouraged by them, uplifted and felt like I could finish the day well. Never underestimate the power behind your encouraging words.

**I actually took all five of them OUT to eat by myself THREE times-- two of those times being on the same day. I am crazy. We had to eat. They did GREAT!!!!!

I better wrap this up. Now I am in the middle of figuring out how the heck I am going to homeschool with 5 kids in my house, one of them being a 2 year old-- who is VERY vocal. I'll keep you posted on that adventure. I am also looking at my garden-- or what is left of it. I am so sad to confess that my garden was a complete mishap this year. It is full of weeds and regularly being eaten by the deer. All of my flower beds and pots look the same. Unloved. And running??? Well... it is random and not focused. Imagine that. I'm not Super-Woman after all!! :)

Grace and Peace,
Shari

"Tri"ing for a cause... You can Help!!!!

2009-08-01T10:53:00.004-04:00

So, if you haven't figured out by now, I am a long distance runner-- some might even say I am a bit obsessive. Fortunately for me-- just because it's fun to have fellow crazies to commiserate with-- I have family members who share in my endurance sport obsession.

http://32milematchup.blogspot.com/

Well, my cousin and my little sister-- both of whom are tri-athletes-- have teamed up to bring hope to children in Haiti. Recently, a mission pastor to Haiti came to speak at my cousin's church and shared his story of taking in over 20+ orphaned children who would most certainly have died otherwise. Pastor Isaac, his wife and over 20 children live together in a one room home. It is his desire to build an orphange to not only house the children he and his wife have taken under their care, but also to take in more children who currently live homeless-- and hopeless.

http://32milematchup.blogspot.com/

Here is the fun part: Krista and Emily have decided to raise money for Pastor Isaac in a unique way-- True Monke athelete style!! They are facing off in a fall triathalon and asking people to "bet" on who will win. All the detailes can be found on their blog:

http://32milematchup.blogspot.com/

Go on over, say "HI" and pick a winner-- backing it up with your financial donation, of course!! But, be ready to add to your amount, should your athelete lose!!!! And... do NOT ask me who to place a bet on-- I refuse to publicly take sides :D!!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Week Two in Pictures...

2009-07-27T21:41:00.008-04:00

Our official move to a 2 TV family-- SPOILED KIDS

Everyone is zoned to the movie but SassyFrass-- imagine that

Look how RiSa likes to carry Bitty Baby-- TOO MUCH CUTENESS!!

The "crash" on the couch after Wyatt carries JB on his back and RiSa on his front around the house-- this is a favorite game of theirs-- not Wyatt's :)

Sassy LOVES the water-- so does JB... he just needs to realize his limits :)

JB LOVES soccer!

Wyatt saving RiSa from the neighbors dog-- small yippy dog-- but still.. her Hero. Oh, did I mention my girl LOVES dresses???? She does.. Yeah me!

As you can see, we've hung out mostly at home or at our community's lake... good times :) Be sure to read the "Jars of Clay" post after this one. I didn't want to litter that post with too many pictures. Okay. Enjoy!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Jars of Clay

2009-07-27T21:31:00.001-04:00

Sam’s special pottery bowl broke yesterday. It was a horrible accident and RiSa didn’t realize what she was doing… but, it is broken and will never be able to be used for snacking again.

Yesterday afternoon, the kids were all playing on their bikes, trikes and rip-sticks. We had been having a very lovely weekend, really! I ran on Saturday morning with a new group of people from a chuch we are currently visiting, went to a baby shower Saturday afternoon and got so to see some old friends I hadn't been able to touch base with in a while, we went to church for the first time on Sunday morning since we have been home... oh! and I am VERY PLEASED to report that BOTH children were very shy when people oogled over them and either burrowed their faces into our shoulders or inched closer to our legs and grabbed on tight. They also sat amazingly well for the over 1 1/2 hour service-- I sorta thought they might do okay, after having them at our 2+ hour marathon lunches they had to endure while in Ethiopia. Not that I think we are close to "bonded"-- whenever that happens, who knows!-- but...

I digress.

Anyway; kids were playing and RiSa had apparently taken her trail mix outside—eating and playing, eating and playing. Of course, her snack was in Sam’s pottery dish that he made while Tony was deployed and we were on our way to IL with a pit stop in Gatlinburg, TN over Christmas. Yeah. I didn’t know that she had it outside—of course I would have never let that happen. But… I guess I did, just by not knowing. Anyway, she put the bowl on Sam’s back while he was bent down, and then he STOOD UP! CRASH!!!! Wailing, mourning and much other gutteral crying ensued. Wyatt and Isaac were HORRIFIED for Sam and at RiSa. I got the call, “MOM!!!!!” which I could of course hear from inside the house. I come running out, thinking a leg or arm or eye was missing. No. It is the bowl. I felt horrible, too. But, not only did I have to tend to a grieving Sam, but I had to deal with two outraged brothers who were ready to crucify little sister. As I was bent over Sam and the bowl—in the middle of the street, mind you—I kept hearing these words, “She’s not even sorry! Aren’t you going to spank her??! Can I throw Bitty Baby to the ground and run it over with my bike? I mean, she deserves SOMETHING!!!” All the while, little RiSa stood there with the most sober face. In fact, if I remember right, she was half way to the house to come get me and when I came out toward them all, she kept saying, “Sam, Sam, Sam,” with this very troubled look on her face. Obviously the angry brothers didn’t pick up on these signs-- nor the simple fact that little sister is 2 ☺. I looked at her and tried to explain as best I could that Sam was sad because his special bowl was broken. “Ish, ish” she said (alright or okay). I told her to apologize (obviously telling her what to say) and was more than happy to oblige. We all walked in the house, heads hanging low and still her face was sad and dreary looking. Once inside—Sam still wailing—she looked at me and kept saying, “Sammie. Sammie.” I pointed to Sam and said, “You can give him a hug.” And she immediately walked over to him, and tried to console him with her hugs and pats. I was—and still am—completely overwhelmed by this small child’s depth of remorse, insight, tenderness and desire to comfort a mournful sibling.

The boys are still a bit peeved about the bowl. Every time Sam opens the drawer where the bowls and cups are stored he lets out a little sob and says how sad he is that his bowl is gone. I ought to move the bowls. Drama. But, as I have reflected on the bowl incident and our family and this life… I can’t help but see so many God- applications. We are such broken people. We demand justice and retribution from others without looking at our own filthy lives. We mourn over our messes when a lot of times—no, 99% of the time—we are active participants in the stink. And yet, despite all our frailties and brokenness, God chooses to use us as His precious vessels—generously giving us the treasure of Christ. Adoption into His Kingdom… into His Family. Undeserved. Not so that WE look good… but to show that the surpassing power of God’s mercy may be known as coming from HIM… not us. And those who see it, may recognize His power, mercy and love—and be forever changed. Just has He has done for us—individually and as a family.

“We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassing power is from God and not from ourselves… for we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body.” -- 2 Cor. 4:7-12

2 Corinthian 4. God’s sweet rhema (spirit-filled word) to me. Especially the end…”So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (v.18) These are the days to live broken. “Ish”—it’s alright. It’s not about us. It’s about God, His Glory and His Kingdom come—Here on earth as it is in Heaven.

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Just the nuts and bolts

2009-07-22T07:32:00.003-04:00

I really enjoy posting-- especially now that the kids are home and I feel like I have a lot to share (ie... get off my chest) about life post-adoption. But, here is the thing... I like to have what I say be "pithy" and enjoyable to read-- otherwise, you all may stop coming by to read about crazy Team Dragovich and leave being encouraged that at least your family isn't "THAT nuts!!" But... it is hard to have time to be all quaint and cute. And every day, multiple times a day, I encounter "subjects" to a post... so that by the end of the day, I can't even sort them all out in my head or know which direction to take you! And besides that, I have to spend some time unraveling the ridiculous emotional side from the REALITY of what God is doing in our lives, so that I CAN write in a way that won't cause you to pause and maybe think you need to call a counselor for us :D!! I'm really sorta just kidding on that one-- but "sorta" is a key word there.

So... I will just give you some of the events and my thoughts/emotions that have been playing out in our family this second week into life as 7:

*RiSa likes Shirley Temple. We have had "Captain January" from Netflix FOREVER, and finally just sat down the other night to watch it-- per request of Wyatt. He LOVES movie nights and amazingly, all the boys like Shirley Temple-- weird, but good. But, because we live in a little bit of chaos right now, we ended up starting the movie before everyone was done with dinner-- ie-- RiSa and JB and me (because I never get to start eating until most everyone else is over half done with their food). As soon as Little Miss Temple came onto the screen and started singing, RiSa stopped eating-- food in mid-bite, which is saying something for this girl-- and stared at the adorable little doll-faced girl with the bobbing curls on the TV. Her eyes lit up and she got the biggest smile from ear to ear. After that, she slowly finished her dinner, with one eye on the TV the entire time, and then happily went to the couch and sat the rest of the movie-- MIRACLE!!!! Afterwards, she was singing in jibberish the music she heard on the movie. The girl likes Shirley Temple.

*Both kids are completely head over heels for Tony. This isn't to say they don't give me lots of affection-- especially RiSa-- but, the whole Daddy back to work thing sorta confused them at first, and yesterday, when I told them Daddy was on his way home, they got more excited than the dog does when she sees Tony pull in. They ran, screaming for the door, "DADDYDADDYDADDY... DADDY!!!!!!" Oh my. When they saw him pull in, they couldn't get the door open fast enough-- actually the door is somewhat hard for them to open still-- good. They jumped into his arms, showering him with hugs and kisses, repeating, "Daddy, Yeni... Daddy, Yeni (mine)!"... then they proceed to tease one another about whose Daddy he is-- then they say to one another, RiSa: "Mommy, Biruk-e's... Daddy, Yeni!" (meaning, Mommy is Biruk's, but Daddy is MINE!). They both do it. Nice. They laugh and have a great time with it, and still give me kisses and hugs... but Daddy is the apple of their eyes. All my kids have done this to me. What is that?

*JB and the boys are like oil and water right now. Especially with my second boy, who feeds his contempt to the next youngest brother, who is more than happy to oblige and parrot him. I was telling a fellow adoption friend on the phone yesterday that so much of the problem I think is communication. Not that there isn't the competition factor-- but really, when JB torks them the wrong way, it is because he is playing in a way that they don't understand, or wanting something that they have, and he doesn't understand he can't just take, or touching their hands and face which is so culturally accepted in Ethiopia and NOT here, or teases little sister to get a rise out of her-- which he rarely does anymore... they become personally offended and can't see the difference in culture or the lack of understanding he has over the offensiveness of his actions. Wyatt is doing the best with it, because he works more at parenting them than just being a brother-- which frustrates me, but I can get over it. Isaac, especially will become disenchanted with something JB does and then just pick on him in subtle-- or not so subtle ways. Yesterday, JB must have "cut" Isaac off while riding bikes and Isaac proceeded to bumb his tire against JB's until JB fell off his bike. Tony and I watched the entire thing transpire and it was hard to watch. It is so hard to watch your child be so mean-spirited to another. I kept waiting for Tony to intervene and asking him, "Aren't you going to do something?" But, it is true that a lot of times they need to just work it out and right now, the more we point out when Isaac is being mean, the more he retaliates and grows in self-righteousness. So... JB fell and didn't really hurt himself, but of course, his feelings were terribly hurt. I went out to comfort him and he wouldn't really let me. He is small enough that I can pick him up and "force it", but he never cuddled up to me and did the whole, "stiff as a board" thing. I kept kissing him, trying to soothe him with words and eventually let him down to see if he would ride again. He did get on, still bawling... until some people on a golf cart turned down our cul-de-sac. Then he shut off the waterworks like a faucet. Hmmmm....

*Yesterday, I HAD to go out to run a few-- yes, I said A FEW-- errands. Hospital on post, eye doctor for follow-up and vitamin shoppe. I am happy to report that all my fears of RiSa darting or seeking attention from doting strangers were disappointed. At the hospital, we stopped by to see if Daddy could chat (he couldn't), and in the meantime, one of the other docs started showering the kids with attention and trinkets that he keeps in his office. "Oh boy," I thought. "Here it comes. " Instead, when handed a stuffed dog, RiSa shyed away and buried her head into my shoulder. Of course, later she lunged for the car that the boys had. But, still! She was perfectly content to hang onto mommy or be in her stroller and JB was happy to hold the hand of a brother the entire time we were out and about. We managed all our errands with very little fuss-- besides the nit-picking attitude of older brothers... which I have already delved into at length-- sorry :)

*Finally, we have had a possible medical situation arise for our little RiSa. It showed up in her bloodwork and we are praying that it will pass without causing her long-term problems. God is faithful and good and I know He is our All-sufficient in every trial we are being faced with right now as a family and as individuals. I covet your prayers for RiSa's health and complete healing-- IF what the bloodwork showed is truly the case.

Every day brings new joys and new challenges. I find myself bouncing throughout the day between contentment and being overwhelmed. I constantly fight off the fears that try to invade my brain-- fear of brothers never meshing or accepting the presence of a new brother, fear of JB never letting me comfort him, fear of MY own heart never really getting to that point of "feeling" like they are MY kids and not someone else's kids whom I have been left responsible for. Every day I see evidence to the contrary of my fears. And I have never practiced the ACT of love harder and the constant denial of living in my fears and emotions more than now. Praise God for that!!! I KNOW that our family is becoming more Christ-like through this process. Not because of what WE are doing that is so great, but because of what Christ, in His mercy, is doing through us. He is not content to leave us in our own selfish state, but rather, He is faithfully continuing the "good work" He has begun in us-- not to be completed until the day we see Him face to face :)

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Shake Shingles on a Double-Wide

2009-07-18T21:23:00.005-04:00

Today, on our way to Raven Rock State Park, I noticed a double-wide trailer with shake shingles going up half the sides and on the roof. Hmmm... that is a unique thing, I thought. I sorta reminds me of Ethiopia. Awkward seg-way, but true. The whole time we were in Ethiopia, I witnessed, smelled and experienced things that seemed just very unique to me. Here are just a few examples: A herd of goats grazing in the median of what seemed to me to be a major highway. Seeing a highrise being built using tall wooden poles all criss-crossed together as it's scaffolding. Going to church half way around the world and feeling like I had just worshipped in America-- it WAS their English service, maybe we should have gone to the Amharic service :). Looking out the Yebsabi Guest House and seeing a herd of donkeys pass down our street. Having absolutely no order or regulations as to how or where people were driving and yet making it an entire week without a single car accident. Driving down several unpaved, unmarked, pothole filled roads until turning into a gated compound that was a five star restaurant, serving traditional Ethiopian cuisine. Finally-- and really completely frustrating, not unique-- stepping out of our van, onto the streets of Addis, walking past dozens of homeless, begging people and then into probably the most posh day spa I have ever seen before in my life (I don't frequent them often, but I've been to some nice ones here in the states), be completely pampered for over an hour, then walk out of that eutopia and back into the reality of poverty and want which exisists in abundance... no matter where you go. All of these completely surreal experiences have occupied hours of conversation for Tony and I over the past several nights. It has taken so long to process the entire trip, and I am still trying to peel back the layers. To say Ethiopia is a beautiful place is an understatement. If you could see the beauty of the mountains and the lushness of the vegitation, you would say it ranks with some of the most beautiful places in the world. I saw geranium bushes growing up the sides of buildings and when I asked our guide about this, he said they have to keep cutting them back to keep them in check. I told him that where I live-- which is a pretty great climate for growing pretty plants-- we can only grow geraniums in pots. For sure, I've never seen them the heighth of a single story home and as wide as half the outside wall!! He couldn't believe it. Neither could I :). And the people are beautiful. Kind, welcoming, hospitable, and smiling-- even with their eyes. Except for the hungry, down-cast and poor. Which is everywhere. In abundance. There is not a street in Addis that is not touched by poverty. We drove through the "Beverly Hills" section on our way to the coffee factory on our last day in Ethiopia. There were multi-million dollar houses... and homeless people. Granted, not so many in this part of town... but they were there, none-the-less.
You can't make sense of so much poverty. There is just no way to explain what it does to you on the inside. And I don't know about you, but when I can't make sense of something, it ends up making me angry and confused and helpless. Truly, in some ways, that is how I left Ethiopia. And now, when I look into the eyes of my children, I wonder how it is that they were rescued while millions of other orphans are left to try and survive against such daunting odds. How can I raise them "well" enough to honor this gift and not have them feel helpless about their homeland like I did? The truth is, I have NO idea what God has in store for them. And to think I can raise them "well enough" is such a prideful, self-important thought. Who am I to wonder at the workings of Almighty God or try and guess WHY He chose RiSa and JB for such a time as this? My job is simply to allow His love to flow through Tony and I to raise them and teach them of the love of a Father who has rescued us ALL out of darkness and into His Marvelous Light. I will never forget Tony's words one night while in Ethiopia, spoken in whispers over sleeping little heads: "All I know is that they were given to us. I don't know why," he said, "maybe for us, maybe for the boys, maybe for them... maybe for some crazy thing that we can't even fathom. All I know, is that it isn't an accident. They were given to us."

So, just like shake shingles on a double-wide (awkward seg-way, again) I don't have to understand. I am free from that. Instead, I can and will smile at and celebrate the uniquenesses of a land far away... which suddenly isn't so "far away" anymore! And praise my God in Heaven who saw fit to include our family into the wonders and uniqueness of adoption both from and INTO this land of Ethiopia. This, I may never be able to make "sense" of, but I stand in awe of it, none the less.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

So hard to be JB

2009-07-15T22:12:00.004-04:00

RiSa LOVES looking at books-- yeah, me!!!

That is a pretty serious face!

Photos, Photos and more photos!

The tree cutting party this morning on our front porch

Three of my five cutie pies!!

Poor JB. He had a REALLY hard day today. Everything started fine, but by late this afternoon, he was terrified of the dog again, and full of tears over having to share the tricycle with his sister. His whole world has been just tipped over and spilled out all over half the world-- in front of everyone and he has no way of knowing how to make sense of it all. The worst part is, there isn't a whole lot I can do to "fix" it. In fact, I am the one (or one of the ones) who has helped make it sooo messy for him!

He doesn't seem to pick up on things as quickly as RiSa does. I swear she is understanding MOST of what I say to her- certainly she understands the obvious things and even the more subtle ideas-- like sharing and manners. JB-- not so much. And to make matters harder, he is having to deal with his older brothers try to talk to him and then quickly get frustrated that he doesn't respond to what they are telling him and then focus more of their attention on cute baby sister-- which is still beyond my comprehension. Today, he resorted to teasing them and sorta "picking" on them in order to keep their attention. The same kind of things he would do with RiSa at the guest house-- take her toy away that she would be playing with, copycat what she was saying, taunt her with something he knew she wasn't supposed to have or touch, etc. It's not that the boys don't try-- they do, but not for long, and certainly as soon as he doesn't share the toy of the moment they are whining at him and all fussy with him until they just decide to leave and go do something else. Now, every day hasn't been like this, but yesterday and today have been more and more.

Here is another issue. I know that in Ethiopia it is very culturally acceptable to feed one another and share off of one another's plates. I think that is very neat and I certainly don't have an issue with it-- except when I am trying to get my new kids to try and eat what is on THEIR plate and not go scavenging for everyone elses mashed potatoes after theirs is all gone. If I would let them, they would eat meat and starch forever and ever until they gorge themselves to death. Not cool. Especially RiSa. So... when she is done eating what she wants (the bread, pasta, potatoes) and asks for more I don't give it to her. I tell her to eat what is on her plate, then more. She gets it. Believe me. She pouts, and sniffs about and then looks at brother Biruk, who is all too willing to share what he has-- esp. if he doesn't really want it-- case in point with mashed potatoes tonight. Well, I wouldn't have it and this confused him. And tonight isn't the first time I've done it to him. It happens at one meal a day, at least- and once, I even caught him sneaking food to her. Bless his heart. That made me mad. I KNOW he is just doing what he has probably always done-- with her or any other kid sitting next to him. On one hand it is hard to stay firm when I know it is so confusing to him and frustrating, too. On the other hand, I can't let RiSa gorge herself on starch and carbs!!! And he needs to learn to try to eat a variety of foods, too! It's a hard one, and all I know to do is stay consistent and hope he doesn't resent me for it the rest of his life. :)

And you know the whole "breakthrough" with the dog? Well, forget it. I don't know WHAT happened (it was on Tony's watch!), but I guess Penny got frisky with JB and he pushed her away, which she took as a game and then went for the nipping of the leg. Yeah. Bad move, Pen-Pal. Tony said he tried to soothe his fears by "making him play fetch with Penny". Right... didn't work.

See what bright parents we are???? Ughhhh.

I know that most of what is happening in JB's little brain and heart right now is grieving. He is grieving his homeland, his caregivers, his friends, his language, his food, his culture, his people. This is my prayer-- that we would recognize his grief, enter into it with him and be able to love him through it. Not with our own love, but with the love of the Father who is able to give all comfort in all situations at all times.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

PS... Hopefully I can remember tomorrow to post about our shopping adventure to the mall-- RiSa darted on me while in Stride Rite buying her and JB new tennis shoes... can you believe it?? I almost lost one of my new kids before I've even had her for a week! Ugh.

Bedtime, playtime and...Guacamole??

2009-07-14T21:49:00.005-04:00

Sharing is hard-- whether you're 2 or almost 6! Or 34... Let's just be real, here!

JB and Sam are "sharing" and RiSa's getting the sleepy eye glaze

Boy... if you would have asked me this morning how life with 5 kids is going-- 2 of whom speak not a lick of English-- I would have either started crying off the bat, shot you an mean "RiSa" look, or maybe even made some sarcastic comment to let you really know how I feel. Whew-- good thing no one asked!!! :) The nighttime routine with RiSa is tricky. I lay down with her for both nap time and bedtime. She pretty much fusses for both, but at some point calms down and falls asleep. Actually, it doesn't even take too long. I can only imagine what is floating through her little mind-- going from sharing a crib with probably at least one other toddler in a room full of cribs that look the same, to having her own room, with both a HUGE crib (compared to what she had at the Transition Home) and a big girl bed with no side rails. Hmmm. I knew this would be tricky and was waiting to see how she responded to bedtime in general, before making any decisions as to where to have her sleep upon arriving home-- in her crib, which she hates; in her bed, which she hates less; in bed with us, which I'm not thrilled to start doing unless absolutely necessary; or let her sleep in the boys' room, which ended up not being an option since she doesn't really just lay down and go to sleep when it is bedtime. I remember this transition with each of my boys. That season of being too big for the crib, too unruly to be trusted to just lay down and go to sleep, waking in the middle of the night to sleep with us... she isn't so different.

The point to all this is-- I'm TIRED!!! Which doesn't help with the perspective thing. But... I sucked it up and took all the kids to the park in our community this morning while Tony went on post to try and get the kids registered in our military health care system. Both RiSa and JB LOVED the swings and monkey bars-- neither of which they could do unassisted. The boys fought over who would push RiSa, and RiSa whined and screamed every time someone other than me pushed her. The monkey bars were a trick, too. They don't really get the whole take turns or sharing thing. Or, maybe they do, but since they don't speak English they don't understand when I am trying to explain to them that we have to take turns doing the fun stuff-- like monkey bars. It didn't help, either, that Isaac and Sam kept getting frustrated with them for not waiting their turn. The whole language barrier is much harder for the boys to tackle than it is me and Tony. They get all offended when JB just goes in front of them, or doesn't respond to their directions. I am constantly reminding them that, "No, your new brother is not mean or rude-- he doesn't understand what you are saying, and I don't think he ever really practiced taking turns in his life before now." When it comes to RiSa, however... well, we'll just hold our comments for now :D!!

We ended up having a really nice day, actually. The new kids are completely enamored with bikes, scooters and tricycles of all kinds. They will spend FOREVER working the peddles, pushing themselves up and down our cul-de-sac and JB even started trying his hand at the bicycle. Of course, he saw big bro's doing it, and then they took off for a bike ride and he was left behind. That sparked the all out effort to learn to ride. Tony and I have sore backs and tight hammies tonight. Hmmm... wonder why?

Dinner and afterwards had to be my highlight, though-- except for bathtime. But, that's another story of bubble craziness. I have been working hard to put the freshest of fresh on the table at night-- goodness knows their little bodies have been lacking real nutrition. And we are trying all kinds of fruits and vegetables. But, here is a funny one that I discovered they like-- especially RiSa... guacamole!!! I made fresh salsa today and guacamole and that girl just chowed down!!! JB, too. And RiSa liked the fresh peppers off the grill, too. They are kind of picky about their fruits and veggies. So far they will eat peas and corn, fresh salsa, avacados, bananas and apples with a vengence. They are NOT hip on cherries, blueberries or strawberries. Neither of them took to the smoothies I made today, but they both LOVE homemade bread. YEAH! I knew they liked bread-- but I wasn't sure they would dig the "good" stuff.

We ended our night with lacing cards, matching bears and a bedtime story for RiSa. This was the sweetest night yet. No crying, fussing or fighting. She lay comfortably in my arms while I read "Goodnight Gorilla", then we shut out the lights, cuddled and within minutes she was out. Pray for a good night's sleep!! Speaking of which... I better get to bed!!!!!

Grace and Peace to you all,
Shari

PS... Please keep ALL the families who have just come home with their littles in your prayers. We are each experiencing such unique, exciting and challenging days post-travel and I know each family desires with all their hearts to live out these days for God's glory. :) Thank you!

Home-- Day 2... Breakthrough

2009-07-13T22:46:00.004-04:00

JB likes to bounce!

Nana made me an apron

Nana made RiSa a matching apron-- too cute!

JB playing in the neighbor's yard

One thing I think I may have not mentioned yet about the kids is that they are TERRIFIED of Penny, our German Shepherd. I can't say I blame them-- for a couple reasons. First, she does look sorta scary-- big, black, hairy and she barks a lot. Second, I don't remember seeing a dog on a leash while we were Ethiopia.... meaning, they weren't "man's best friend". No dog runs, doggy treat stores, people with their dogs in their purses, no one walking their dog... imagine that. The only dogs I saw were straggly, rough-looking mutts who were either scraping around for food or getting run off by the gate keeper of our guest house. I was anticipating this reaction to Penny, so it didn't surprise me at all. I have been wondering what will be the turning point to the fear of the dog, and today I saw maybe a turning point-- at least for JB. The boys have been all about showing off their new siblings to the neighborhood kids. So, they had JB over in the neighbor's yard this afternoon while RiSa slept, bound and determined to break the fear. The neighbors have 2 dogs-- one older, more docile large dog and another pure-bred German Shepherd who looks even more scary than Penny-- sorta. At one point, when I was looking out the window to see how they were doing, I saw them all crowded around JB and one of the dogs. I immediately knew what was going on. JB was clinging to Wyatt and trying to warm up to the animal, all at the same time. Very cute. I am so thankful for sweet neighbors and their children who are so accepting and excited for us and our new additions. Whatever the boys did with JB and the dogs seemed to work-- somewhat. This evening after dinner, JB was trying to show RiSa how to pet Penny; speaking who knows what to her in Amharic-- grinning, talking in soothing tones and SLOWLY walking up to Penny and doing his best to bravely pet her. I wish I had a video recording of it. He never really convinced RiSa... but I was sooooo proud of him for getting so close and petting Penny-- and he wasn't even clutching on to one of us while doing it!!

That is our "Breakthrough" for the day-- hence the title of this post. But, really I would say we had little breakthroughs all day long. In my quiet time this morning I read from Colossians and was reduced to tears over Paul's sweet words to that church... Colossians 1:9-14. Especially the part about being "qualified to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴in whom we have redemption,^e]">[e] the forgiveness of sins." How overwhelming and humbling and life-giving!!! RiSa is calming more and more every day and I am remembering more and more what it is like to have a 2 1/2 year old again. And I am being introduced to... GIRLS!!!!! We had fun, FUN in the kitchen today. I had to grind grain and bake bread and she was all too ready to help out. It is amazing what she understands despite the language barrier. She liked wearing her apron that Nana made her when she saw me put on mine-- MATCHING!!! Too much cuteness!! We had MUCH less fighting for naps today. While we were laying together during nap time she was playing with her Bitty baby and I watched my little girl so sweetly care for her doll-- doing many of the same things and even SPEAKING many of the same things that I have spoken to her over the past several days. Amazing. She sang to her baby the "clean up" song, played "Jump" with the baby (Wyatt started playing this with her), patted her bottom, washed her whole body and sang to her some more. I think I must be the most blessed person on this earth to have been able to witness this beautiful girl mimic the love that she has experienced thus far in her life-- only through the love given by the Father.

Thank you to ALL of you who have posted, prayed for and thought of our family during such a unique time! I'm so sorry I cannot respond to all your comments-- I want to soooo much!! Just know that I am increadibly encouraged by all of you who have gone before me, and am inspired to keep making love a VERB-- knowing that it is IN CHRIST that our family does ALL THINGS!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

HOME!!!!! Day 1

2009-07-12T16:40:00.003-04:00

Team Dragovich

Scooter Time!!

Papa and RiSa

More Scooter mania

I can't believe I was in Ethiopia this last week. In fact, after only 24 hours home, I sorta feel like it was all a dream... except for the fact that we came home with two little people who don't speak our language, don't know us at all-- but call us Mommy and Daddy. I will give you the logistics and facts first-- I'm not sure I can unravel all the emotions in one post... and CERTAINLY I cannot begin to share all the thoughts, suggestions for future traveling families and just general experiences of individual days in one post. So, I REALLY hope you keep coming back to check in with Team Dragovich. I'll try to post some pictures each time, too... just as "candy" to keep you coming back for the real stuff ;).

Let's see... From Tuesday on, I was pretty much on an emotional roller coaster. I could cry at the drop of a hat and usually did. I was overly tired most of the week, but could never go to sleep. Selame did NOT break us in easily to her energetic and head-strong personality, and even though I never was sick per say, I had no appetite and came home a little lighter than I went :). The Embassy Appointment went fine... for all the fuss that is made over it and all the paperwork you have to do to prepare for it the end result is rather anti-climatic. Unless, of course, someone has not done their job and paperwork is lost, then I guess it can be a real pain. Thankfully, all the families made it through without any problem and we were out in a couple hours. After that, we went shopping in what seemed to be a nicer part of Addis. I think that was on Wednesday, anyway. It is all a blur now. I will say that with each day, Selame seemed to become a bit more comfortable with us and looked to other "daddies" less. One thing I wasn't really ready for was how aggressive all the kids play with one another. It was not uncommon for either Selame or Biruk to just walk up to one another and kick, pinch, grab from one another or do some other overtly aggressive thing which blew my mind but seemed so everyday normal to them. Tony and I quickly responded and have been responding ever since. And it wasn't just the two of them. Whenever Biruk would play with the two older boys being adopted by another family-- it could quickly turn to mass attack on one another. It also took a lot of "NO's" to get them to stop. And in a lot of cases, when Biruk would be egging on Selame to get a reaction from her-- which he LOVED to do-- even when I told him to stop, he would just laugh hilariously and not really listen right away. The language barrier can be tough. But, I will say that now they are home, I have not seen him pester her at all and even as the week progressed, he did it less and less.

Our flight home went amazingly well. Both kids slept the entire time from Addis to Rome. At the stop in Rome for re-fueling, they woke up and Sassy-frass (my new nickname for Selame when she is acting sassy and 2) wanted to cause a little trouble. But not so much that she couldn't be averted with books, magazines and coloring. She HATED her seatbelt and tried like crazy to get it off. I was not really her best friend at that point. But, in the end we made it and only had one bag not make it to Raleigh with us. It came to our house sometime after midnight. We are guessing that it is because it had the coffee in it, so customs wanted to do an "extra good check" on that bag. Biruk was sick most of the 9 hours from Rome to D.C. He threw up 5 times before falling into a deep sleep the rest of the way. He was amazingly fine on the flight from D.C. to Raleigh which surprised me, since it was a little hopper plane which hit some turbulance.

So... here we are. I cried so much when I saw my boys' faces. They met us on the entrance road to our neighborhood with their bikes and scooters. Tony and I stopped the suburban in the middle of the road and ran full on to see them. Then we followed them the rest of the 1/2 mile home, full of grins the entire way. They have been just WONDERFUL with the kids. Sam takes J.B. everywhere and Isaac and Wyatt have been taking turns looking for Rebekah's attention. They both slept fine in their rooms-- I had no doubt Biruk would and the only reason Selame did was because she fell asleep downstairs so Tony and I could transfer her to her crib without conflict. She woke up at 4am fussing, but once I got her and put her in our bed, she fell right back asleep.

As far as Day 1 of being a family of 7 goes-- pretty okay. We said goodbye to Nana and Papa and that was hard. Especially for Wyatt. He is sooo nervous about these new siblings. I understand completely how he feels. In a lot of ways I am, too :). The boys were DYING to take the kids to swim, so we decided on the beach in our community, loaded up and off we went. JB and RiSa did really well. They had no concept of how once the water went over their heads they couldn't swim, so at first they followed the boys right on out until they could barely touch and were pretty much swept off their feet by any set of boat waves which came their way. Tony and I were right there, so it wasn't a big deal. They had a BLAST in the water and it was funny to watch them play, splash and rub sand all over themselves. And it was REALLY fun to watch the boys interact with them. Can you believe I didn't take the camera?? I wanted to, but I just didn't want to be snapping pictures if they ended up hating the water or start drowning while I was saying, "CHEESE!!"

But, here is the best quote I can use to sum it up... RiSa started to throw a total tantrum at lunch because we wouldn't let her have more tortillas before she ate some other parts of her lunch. She started into her continual cry mode while we were trying to eat. Wyatt finally looked at us and said, "Ummm... can we do something about the crying?" I answered, "Yeah. Get used to it."

Pray for us!! :)
Grace and Peace,
Shari

Thursday's Post... a little late

2009-07-12T05:06:00.003-04:00

I wrote this post on Thursday in a Word Document, meaning to post it when the internet came up. Unfortunately, the internet never really "came up" too well after Tuesday, and so I have been saving this post until I could get home to get it up. You may wonder why I am still posting it-- since it is now Saturday and we are home-- the range of emotions and the intensity of traveling to adopt in Ethiopia is like nothing I have ever experienced. My desire is to share the realness of OUR experience, not some rose colored portrait. Even as I read the last couple posts I have done... I don't think I have REALLY shared the intensity of what has been happening inside my head and heart this past week. But, I am just going to do my best, by posting what I wrote while I was there, and continuing to share over the next days and weeks-- as honestly as I can. So... here is Thursday's post:

This is the first chance I have had to post since we brought the kiddos back with us. They are doing really well. Biruk is very easy going, does whatever we ask him to, and even if he doesn’t want to at first—he will concede and do whatever it is we need him to do. The good thing about this, is that he will say no and doesn’t just do whatever without wanting any say in the matter. I have caught him more than once just staring at me and when I look at him, he grins big and just keeps looking. Especially when we are all in bed—yes… we have the family bed thing going. Selame won’t have anything to do with the little crib in our room—I can’t blame her, it is too small for her.

Speaking of Selame, she has “calmed” down as far as not going to every other person here for attention. She is off the hook active and loves to test her limits in every way. She is definitely used to being the star of her own show and looks for attention wherever she can get it. Although, even in the past two days, she has looked more and more to Tony and I for her attention and easily calls us Mommy and Daddy—well, she names us in pictures and when Tony shows up, she lights up and yells, “Daddy!” It is hard to unravel what of her behaviors are from being 2 1/2, what is from not really ever having a mom and dad, and what is general orphan behavior. She is very quick witted, learns VERY fast and runs very fast, too. I question her age somewhat, but she can throw a tantrum like a VERY good two year old. But, then again, my boys all were worse behaved at three than two. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. It is what it is, and we have to work through all of it anyway.

This leads me to part of the other truth as to why I haven’t posted. Everything here is so raw—I mean all my feelings, emotions, physical energy and thoughts are so edgy and hard to reason through. I would be lying if I said that this big event is all rosy and wonderful. The truth of the matter is—we are in survival mode. I miss my boys more than life itself and I just cry and cry at the drop of the hat. I don’t “feel” all the loving emotions I wish I felt and I know this is normal and even to be expected—but it doesn’t change the hardness of it. We are seeing so much progress from Monday, but I don’t feel like I’ve progressed from feeling like I’m caring for someone else’s children to caring for my own children. All I want to do is get on the plane home and get Biruk and Selame in the mix with the boys and start loving them all together. I am SOOOOO thankful for dear friends who have adopted before me and shared their own very hard experiences—otherwise, I think I would me much more scared.

I hope this doesn’t sound so horrible to read. I want to be honest and real—not because it is comfortable for me… because it is not. I think one thing I fight the hardest is fighting my own disappointment in myself for not feeling all the loving feelings I want to feel. I am such a perfectionist and sometimes I have a hard time seeing outside of my immediate circumstances to the way I KNOW God will bring us full circle. So, rather, I am posting this for those families who may read this and be able to now exhale, or not feel so lonely if they experience the same things.

I can’t really post much more. I will say that several of the other families are feeling the same way—maybe about different things, or maybe they are having and easier time “feeling” love than what I am right now, but most all of us are ready to get home, we miss our babies at home desperately and we struggle to make sense of the whole process of adoption. One thing that we did last night that really ministered to my soul, was we came together in the evening and had a time of worship, scripture reading and prayer. At first I didn’t want to do this—I knew I would cry the whole way through and I felt like I couldn’t have anything positive to share. But, what God spoke straight to my heart through other people’s readings was sweet running water to my soul, and I think we will make it ☺

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Whew!!!!

2009-07-07T01:37:00.001-04:00

Whew!! What a day. We finished our papaerwork partey without too much mess up—we'll see if the US Consulate agrees on Wednesday. Then off to lunch – which no one cared about and finally… the Transition Home. All was fun and jolly until we got close. The silence in the van was telling—we had all waited so long for this moment. Nine overly "pregnant" families about to give birth and you could hear a pin drop.

We were called by alphabetical order and it WAS very orderly. I have heard all kinds of stories about this day—or should I say, read all kinds of stories—so really, I was prepared for some chaos. But, instead it was very orderly and each family had quite a few photo ops before the next kids were brought out. I can't really describe the experience, other than it was surreal. Biruk and Selame came out holding hands and they were timid, but came right to us and accepted our hugs, kisses and incoherent blabbing over them. We each picked up one of them and told them in Amharic, "I love you". Selame just looked at us sorta confused but more than ready to eat up the attention. Biruk looked right in my face and said, "I love you," in English and then looked at Tony and said, "You are my Daddy." Then he looked at me and said, "You are Mommy," and grinned from ear to ear. The tears abounded. Selame was thrilled with us, as long as I
took lots of photos. Then, she was off to capture the love of all the other families. Hmmm… fortunately, I had been a little clued in to this character trait of my girl, and wasn't totally shocked or distraught by her. But… Tony and I DID take turns over the next 2+ hours chasing her around, telling her "No," and trying to keep her attention on us and not every other Daddy she saw there. She definitely favored Tony to me, and that is okay. Of course it was a little stinging… but mostly it was just tiring. I was—and still am—bound and determined that she wouldn't win. ☺ I lost count of the number of times Tony and I looked at each other and said, "Boundaries!" at the same time. The good news is, that within the first two hours, she calmed down a lot, and seemed to accept our "no's"—not testing nearly as much as in the beginning. It is obvious that Selame has had the run of the TH and is a little bully when she
wants something. She also knows how to use her beautiful eyes and striking smile to get whatever she wants from others. I feel sorry for the people on our flight home with us, for sure!!

They both LOVED all the little "tricks" I pulled out of my bag—books, model magic and of course the cameras. But the cameras are a whole other blog—for sure!!

I would be lying if I said I left totally overjoyed. Rather, I left with a mixture of overwhelmed, out of my realm AND overjoyed. They are both too wonderful beyond words—Tony and I can both already see how they were perfectly designed for Team Dragovich. Biruk LOVED playing ball with Tony AND me—soccer, catch, tag, hand clap games. Actually, he just wanted to be with us and was thrilled with anything we suggested. Selame was happy as long as she had a camera in her hand, and when those were taken away—well…. What can I say? She is full of personality!!!! ☺

I'm not sure how many pictures will post. The internet is VERY slow tonight. If I can't get pics to post now, I will post a lot more pictures in the morning—which will be about midnight for y'all.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

PS To my boys: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! Biruk cannot WAIT to meet you!! You are going to have the BEST time playing with him—no doubt!!! And you will crack up over Selame… until she tries to steal your cookies. But, don't let her have them and love her anyway ☺ She's gonna come around ☺

Today is the day!!!

2009-07-06T00:50:00.001-04:00

I left the camera upstairs so no pictures in this post. That's okay. I'm sure all you care about are seeing pictures of the kids anyway and we don't have those-- yet! But... today is the big day!!!! It will be pure torture until this afternoon, as we have our "paper work party" in the morning and then have lunch before heading over to the Transition Home to meet the kids during the afternoon. Is this just standard with paperwork? I mean the fact that paperwork is painful by itself is enough. But then to have to spend an entire morning doing paperwork-- which is keeping us from seeing the kiddos and add insult to injury by calling it a "paperwork party"??? Right...

But, we had great fun yesterday attending the International Church, having coffee at the Hilton and driving up with the Pritchett family to see Enoto mountain. This is were the first Orthodox church in Addis was built. This was also where the emperor built his first home-- so it was like visiting Mount Vernon in the U.S.A. We had the sweetest guide who proudly shared the history of his faith and his emporer. He was excited to have Americans who were asking questions and hanging on every word he spoke-- little did he know it was mainly because we could barely understand his english :) But that's okay.

So, pray for us today, as we meet our kiddos and spend our first hours with them. I have tried so hard to not put any expectations on this day-- how impossible is that!! But, really... all I can really keep thinking is, "Wow. How did I get to have a life that is so bigger than my life???" What an amazing day this will be.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Sunday morning in Ethiopia-- or were we in America???

2009-07-05T08:12:00.001-04:00

Well after a fun night of fellowship with the other two families here-- the other 9 are arriving throughout today-- Tony and I had an interesting night of jet-lag sleep. We were exhausted when it was time for bed, but at about 2am, we were up and ready to go. The only problem with this was the fact that no one else was ready with us-- except, of course for the patrons of the nearby nightclub. We should have joined them. After popping some Ambian and keeping time to the music in my head, I finally dozed off around 3am and woke from my coma to my cell phone's alarm-- which was an hour off (behind)-- and I didn't know it. So, when I thought it was 9:30 and proud of myself for being ready an hour early for meeting our driver and another family for church... it was really 10:30 and time to go. Tony was not ready and not so thrilled to have me burst into the room yelling, "Hurry up! My phone was wrong, it's time for church!!" He took it well enough.
We made it fine and now I know my phone is an hour slow, for whatever reason.

Here was the other funny thing-- we went to church in Ethiopia, and other than the African yodeling from one of the band's singers, I would have sworn I was back home at church in the US. It was strikingly similar to our church in Maryland-- which was very sweet and reminiscent... but not very Ethiopian :) That's okay. It was great to be in an International Worship Center and it is the church that several of the in-country AWAA staff attend-- including our driver "T", who is amazing and kind and very fun to be with. Everyone is wonderful and accommodating. Even when we throw out our American ignorance for full display, the Ethiopian people are so gracious and forgiving and make us feel like we didn't make a huge social blunder at all.

Our only glitch so far has been getting our mac to recognize it is in ET. Which the strangest thing is that yesterday I couldn't get it to work at all, and just before Tony and I left to go try the Hilton (which is where we are now), we made one last ditch effort to see if the mac would recognize the Yebsabi Guest House-- and it did. But Skype still wasn't working, so we decided to go ahead and come to the Hilton and try our luck here. It works here, but my parents aren't on line-- soooo... Nana and Papa,,,, if you are reading this, please put the computer on line so we can Skype you!!!!

I am posting some pics of our adventure so far. I don't know how to label them from email, so you figure them out. I'm still trying to get a good cow crossing the road picture. We have been especially intrigued by the method of construction, the goat herds and just all the sights and sounds which make me smile and make my eyes go wide, too!!

My love to you all,
Grace and Peace,
Shari

We made it!!!!

2009-07-04T12:54:00.001-04:00

I'm not going to go on forever about our experience so far-- hopefully :) We had a great flight from Raleigh to Addis-- via Dulles and an hour stop at Rome, where we were not allowed to get off the plane. Ethiopian Air was excellent to fly with-- I don't have any real experience with international travel, but they were great :). Tony and I surprised the AWAA staff by arriving apparently unannounced-- not really, but I guess the right people didn't get the memo. I was frustrated at first and overwhelmed by all of it at first, but the other guides who work for AWAA were truly professional and accomodating and got us to the Guest House without incident. Once we got here, Tony and I both were overwhelmed with the entire process thus far--more me than him-- he was just tired :). We took a good three-four hour nap and woke up a little more refreshed and ready to inhale the wonders of Ethiopia. After a phone call from our driver "T" who apologized
profusely for the misunderstanding, we had some ET coffee and took to downtown on our feet. How WONDERFUL!! Very out of my comfort zone and unlike anything that I have ever experienced. But we were so enamored by the bustle of the city, the beauty of the people and the wonder of a land so far from home. We stopped in a recommended restaurant/bar called the Zebra Grill-- very fun-- and had a couple drinks and some fries topped with a sweet sauce. Yum. We also took the time to learn some Amharic from a native speaker and she was genuinely thrilled that "white" people would work so hard to learn the language. She also commented on how white people who are adopting have such a sense of connectiveness to the children they are adopting-- it is as if they had "birthed them from their own womb" :)

That is all for now. I am overwhelmed, overjoyed and completely in awe of this place called Ethiopia. My biggest hugs and kisses to my boys-- I hope you read this-- I can't get Skype to work right now-- Mommy will keep trying, but now it is time for dinner :)

Grace and Peace from Ethiopia,
Shari

Testing and Ta-Da!! Maybe

2009-07-02T21:10:00.001-04:00

This is a test to see if I can actually email my blog and post pics from email. We'll see!! I'm posting pictures of the kid's rooms. Enjoy :)

We'll see you in Ethiopia!!!!!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

backpacks, lots of lists, conference calls and... Asheville??

2009-06-26T20:15:00.004-04:00

I often used to wonder what families went through those last couple weeks before traveling 1/2 way around the world to pick up their children. Now... I don't wonder. Or maybe I should wonder what less scattered, more diligent people do and try to emulate their examples. Or maybe I should just make up some pretend family in my head that would be the epitome of planning, packing, traveling euphoria and try to emulate that. Great. Now I am going to try to follow the example of some make-believe people I have just conjured up in my head. AND to add insult to injury, the most creative make-believe people I can create in my head right now are savvy packers. See what I'm up against here, people??!

Just to give you a taste of how I have been spending my last week and a half.... As if I haven't had over 5 months now to prepare bedrooms and make the look "finished", I wait to be inspired -- now. So, in between cramming school down the boys' throats; heading over to the gym twice a week in the morning-- so they can play with friends who also go at that time and I can run not in the sweltering humidity; trying to make sense of my weed ridden, deer haven garden; and just general life in Team Dragovich mommy duties-- I am dragging my boys to Hobby Lobby for all sorts of material, modge podge, cork boards, picture frames and whatever else I decide I MIGHT need to complete their rooms. Then I overtake the homeschool room table-- which we are still trying to do school at, mind you-- and puke out craft craziness ALL over it. And then take many days to complete the projects. Still-- while we do school.

Example #2... I have known that I wanted to take each kiddo a backpack stuffed with activities, a snuggly for comfort, snacks, etc. that could be their little bag for the trip home.. and then continue to be their backpack-- all my kids have their own backpacks, even though we homeschool-- figure it out. So, anyway... I HAVE truly been looking for backpacks that I think would do the trick-- right size and functional, not just cute. Not so easy to do for a 3 year old and 5 year old. Well, Land's End's school catalog came to my door earlier this week-- Tuesday, I think it was. YES-- jackpot! They had backpacks for littles as young as 3 and then moved up from there. Perfect... but will they come in time. Tony says, "Sure! Go for it." I do. This turned out well. They came today. What may still end up in total meyham, is all the stuff I all the sudden decided needs to go IN the backpack!! I was recently introduced to Anamalz wooden toys and Signing Time flashcards. Too cute!! Perfect hand size, easy to store, tote around, pull out and play and sturdy. Except I found them-- yesterday and didn't order them until today. Look, I live in nowhere, USA... it's not like I can just go out and find these items anywhere-- correction-- I COULD have driven my boys out to Toys R Us and made us all crazy and walked out with Anamalz, Signing time flashcards (which I'm not even sure they carried in stock) and either three resentful, angry little boys; OR $50 more worth of who knows what in order to sooth the jealous rages. I mean, c'mon... I have very good boys, but they are people, too and watching new brother and sister get sooo much attn. paid to even just their arrival??? Well, more on that later.
Now, Anamalz and signing flashcards are just the beginning of what is going to ET in a week for two new kids-- well, if they even COME on time! Tuesday was my "shop for gifts" day-- nannies, driver, guide-- and honestly, it went pretty well. But, it was also "get the kids a snuggly day". And I knew just the perfect store to find what I wanted from Gund stuffed animals. When I walked in the door, I saw 40% off ALL Gund animals-- SCORE!! Until she didn't have ANY of the flat animals that I wanted. But... she was so excited when I told her that I didn't buy the ones I found in Asheville over the weekend so I could buy them from her, that she is currently having two new Gunds shipped to her and PROMISES to have them by next Tuesday AND she is giving me the 40% off-- yea!! So, that was good, too. Then, I went over to this really nifty outdoor gear shop looking for something to give our guide and driver as a "Thank You" for holding our hands for a week. I went in with a couple ideas, but I must have walked end to end in that store for 25+ minutes before deciding on "the perfect gift" (don't worry, I won't leave you hanging too long. But let me tell you what-- as SOON as I walked in the store, there was an ADORABLE pair of Mary Janes in leather and all casual, but sporty looking and oh-so comfortable that just spoke my name-- on sale 1/2 price. ONE left in my size. Now-- mind you-- I HAVE been wanting to get a pair of shoes that are cute, closed toe and something I could wear in Ethiopia and still be comfortable for long walking. But, I hadn't really found "just the right shoe", so I sorta gave up on it, opting for settling with my old strappy mary janes that will definitely work, but were-- well-- old. And I'm not even a real big "shoe" person (don't you like all my justifying??) The other part of this, is... even at 1/2 off-- they were still $80.00. The bottom line to this story is... at this point, all bets are off when it comes to being frugal in preparing to bring two kids home from ET. Obviously, me adopting kids is becoming very good for the economy. My checking account??? Not so great.

I have lots more examples of frivolous spending, wasting time and spinning my wheels. But, I think you get the drift. One thing that we have been working through that I have been anticipating-- is some spiking in clingy, whiny, selfish behavior amongst the boys. Both with one another and with us. More so me-- but I am an easy target. Always here :) I would say sometimes we handle it well, and other times... well, not so much. They never speak against their new brother and sister. In fact, they have nothing but wonderful things that they share about playing soccer with JB or playing dolls with RiSa (Tony's nickname for Rebekah Selami). DO NOT let them know you have been let in on their secret desire to play with RiSa and her "girlie toys" ;)! It's supposed to be a secret. But, they do get their feelings hurt easily, demand justice and rightousness and FAIRNESS in one another AND us and very hard on the person when they don't get it. They are SOOOO over UPS, FedEx and the mailman knocking at our door with another package to deliver. You know, for so many years the only packages that came in the mail were for them-- b-days, Christmas, other holidays, etc. But, I do a lot more internet shopping than I EVER have in the past, and especially now that I seem to think that money flows like water-- I'm being a little sarcastic here-- there have just been a lot of "ding-dongs" at the doorbell, and lots of anxious faces that turn to frustration when they find out it's not for them. So, you can imagine all the conversations we've been having about all the preparations I did for each one of them, all the presents they received, and all the time and effort that was spent when each one of them entered into the world. They just weren't around or old enough to see or understand it. So... this has been VERY good for them to walk through. And I know that they will do wonderfully over time with the kids and this whole bigger family thing-- despite the bumps in the road that are meant to knock us back into perspective :)

Finally, in the midst of all this, Tony managed to wisk me away to Asheville, NC for a night at the Grand Bohemian Hotel which sits in the heart of Biltmore Village and at the entrance of the Biltmore Estate. This was to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. We drove up on Saturday, did some shopping (imagine that), ate a wonderful little restaurant and spent Father's Day at the Biltmore. Crazy. That place is.... crazy. No words describe it well enough and it is a whole other post. But, we had a WONDERFUL time-- and I'm going to leave it at that :P

Now, I know all you want to see are pictures of the bedrooms. Coming!! They are almost done. Actually the boys' room is done and Selami's is the only one I am still finishing up-- hanging curtains and other pretty wall decor-- oh yeah and putting up the crib. I will probably be working on it until Thursday night instead of packing or some other responsible activity that I'm sure my make-believe traveling family would be doing.

Ummm... I think I better go to bed now.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Team Dragovich is 2 STRONGER!!!!!!!!

2009-06-16T14:17:00.005-04:00

Joshua Biruk & Rebekah Selami Dragovich

IT HAPPENED-- FOR REAL!!!! WE PASSED COURT TODAY :D!!!!!!!!!

Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name. Psalms 18:49

I'll try not to talk too much because I know all you care about are pictures :D. I'll have to work on a slide show this evening-- I just couldn't bring myself to do one until they were legally ours. Anyway... I'm rambling. Anna Graham, our Programs Director called me at 9:35ish this morning with the news. The boys and I were on our way to the gym-- actually, we were about 3 blocks from our destination when the phone rang. I saw it was AWAA and I really had to hesitate and take a deep breath. As soon as I heard Anna's voice, I knew. That didn't stop the scream of pure joy and elation though. The boys were ready for it. In fact, they told me before the call even came, "Mom, we're going to hold our ears, just in case. We remember the referral call!"

What did I do after talking to Anna? Went for a run :) Then, we went to Dick's Sporting Goods and bought Joshua BIRUK Dragovich a soccer ball. And now, I am getting ready to order Rebekah SELAMI Dragovich a bitty baby doll from American Girl.... I have been planning this splurge for many moons now.

Here they are....

Joshua (Jehovah Saves) Biruk (Blessed) Dragovich at Referral 2/10/09

Rebekah (To Bind in) Selami (peace) Dragovich at referral 2/10/09

JB & RS in March

JB & RS in April

JB & RS in May

Thank you, THANK YOU for keeping our family faithfully in your prayers. Now, we get ready to travel over the 4th of July-- I can't think of a better way to spend Independance Day!!!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

In the Meantime...

2009-06-09T06:54:00.003-04:00

Before I go any further, here are two blogs of families that are in Ethiopia right now:

The Foote Family
The Cole Family

I think there are others, but these are two that I found are updating their blogs well.

Okay...

I bet you have been wondering what Team Dragovich is up to in the meantime... you know, the MEAN time between our two court dates :)! That is what I think it is anyway. Well, we've stayed pretty busy. My dear friends threw me a beautiful adoption shower, and we were certainly showered with wonderful gifts and lots of PINK!!!!! I do not ever get tired of looking at pink girlie clothes, that's for sure!

We've also took a day trip to the beach-- we live two hours from some very nice, family friendly, quiet beaches along the southern border of NC-- right above South Myrtle Beach. That was tons of fun and other than coming back looking like lobsters, it was a huge success.

Tony dove back into work. He came home to some pretty big things happening for Womack's pain department, and pain medicine in the Army overall. I am so proud of the work he does for soldiers and their famlies. He would be embarrassed that I am bragging about him, but oh well. And I am sorry if it is offensive that I am bragging about my husband's skills. Sometimes I just can't help myself-- God has so gifted him in this area. I think God's gifts are so creative and funny sometimes. Or maybe it is just funny to be married to someone who is so gifted and talented in treating pain in people. Not that I don't think that it is important-- I think it is VERY important!! It is just not what I ever expected-- do I know what I did expect?? No. But, I never even knew there was such a thing as a "pain medicine specialist"... let alone that I would marry one. Of course, he wasn't a pain medicine specialist when I married him. :) Anyway, that was sorta a rabbit-trail. Tony is busy and has a lot of different things going on in the world of pain, and I'm proud of him.

But, really, he went back to work a little early so that he would be more free to take off when we travel to pick up the kids. This week has been hard. I won't lie. Every day I have to fight this battle of being done waiting. Every morning my natural instinct is start worrying about whether we will pass this time. On Saturday we got new pictures of them-- our May update. It was hard. We both cried. I'm so happy that they look so happy and well-adjusted and growing. When we first had pictures of them our little girl wouldn't smile a lick and our boy smiled so politely. Now, our pictures are filled with them playing, laughing and just having a good 'ole time together. I love it and hate it all at once.

So, I guess that is the sum total. Not really. I am in the middle of painting our little girl's room. I think it will be really pretty when it is done... and yes, I will post pictures. It just has taken so long to get both the rooms ready, and I admit, I never think a room is really quite ever "done"-- at least not to my level of done. But, who can meet that standard??? So, once it is painted, bedding on, curtains hung and at least a COUPLE decorations hung on the wall... I will post pictures.

Thanks for stopping by :) Go read the other families' blogs. You will be blessed.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

To pass court in Ethiopia takes perseverance :)

2009-05-20T21:18:00.005-04:00

It is funny how a day can start with such anticipation and a hope of life-changing news... and by the end of the day, it was as if that day was a year ago and nothing new is under the sun. Well, this is honestly how I can describe today. I woke several times last night-- obviously anxious for the upcoming news-- court. Did we pass? Did we not? I would wake up and think, could they be seeing our case now?........ What about now? ......... Maybe now???

Well, it was none of those times. Our case never even made it before the judge. Most of the cases from our agency for the day didn't make it before the judge. MOWA (Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs) decided that one of the pieces of paperwork needed to process our court appearance was outdated and needed updating. I won't bore you with the details. The bottom line is, Tony and I need to have a piece of legal paperwork re-signed, notarized and certified. Then we will overnight this paperwork to AWAA and they will forward it on to Ethiopia. This all must happen before June 16th-- our next chance at court.

Our reaction? We feel pressed-in on and maybe a little under fire. I know that my response to this matters. It matters just as much as the circumstance itself. We certainly are not the only family by far to have detours in the journey of adoption. Nor are we even in the minority. I have watched families for 18 months now walk this road. I have a cloud of witnesses who have gone before us, who are with us now and who follow behind us. And who am I to be dissatisfied with God's mighty ways? Or hang my head in dispair instead of making my petitions to Him with all praise and thanksgiving?

Shortly after I hung up with our agency upon hearing the news of no court, I heard these words clear as day:

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1: 2-4)

Not just once, but over and over. It was a whisper, but clear and true. Is this easy for me to do? No. It is a moment by moment choice. And even then, only by the Grace of God which lives in me and makes me new.

So... we did not pass court. We didn't even make it to court. That's okay. Tony and I went out for dinner by ourselves and drown our sorrows in nachos and beer-- just kidding!! Well, sort of :) We had a nice evening out and tooks some time to process the news, adjust our thinking, make plans and move forward. We're also thankful for all the friends and family who are praying for us and walking the road of adoption with us.

And now... look to June 16th. It's our next chance to become Joshua B. and Rebekah S.'s mom and dad. We're excited to bring these two home to Team D!!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Did I just dream that???

2009-05-17T13:36:00.003-04:00

Okay, so now that I have him home, I go in and out of thinking that he never left. It is strange. I think back on the last 7 months and it is all a blur. And yet, in some ways, I don't really feel like he is home, either. The pick up at the airport was priceless. I surprised the boys by telling them we were going to pick up their Aunt Emily, who was coming for a quick visit after her finals. Yes, it was an outright lie. I'm okay with that. So, when their dad came around the corner of the gate (there is only one in Fayetteville's airport), they did not see him at all. I had to call their attention to him and when I finally got them to look, it seemed like they were looking right through him-- as though it was one of those images on Star Wars-- you know, holograms-- or whatever they are called. Finally, they accepted that it WAS in fact their father, and all bets were off. Sam jumped up into his arms and suctioned himself to Daddy. Isaac started bawling and wrapped his arms around Tony's waist, and Wyatt just kept hugging him and pulling back and asking questions-- imagine that :). I'm glad I could pull off the surprise. Sometimes I think that I'm an "all work and no play" sorta mom. Militant about chores, good routines, schoolwork, etc. My husband calls me "The Warden". That's not a fun name. I forget to turn tense moments into funny moments a lot of times and sometimes I forget to smile and just not be on a mission-- whatever the mission of the moment is. So, I'm happy that I could surprise them in this very important moment of their lives-- reuniting with their daddy.

A friend of ours asked us the other day if now that we've had this time apart and had to go through an extended period of separation, if we learned anything major or realized any new, marriage-altering truths or made any new committments to one another. That is a loaded question and not one easy to answer. Both of us just sorta stood there awkwardly silent... ummm... well... Even after a couple days to process the question, we still don't really have an answer. I don't know why, either. I guess you would think we should-- but why? Our whole marriage has been one new experience, adjustment, challenge-- call it whatever you want-- after another. Aren't most people's? And with each challenge, we seem to come out on the other side understanding one another, our marriage and our family in some deeper way. Not that WE are able to do that-- but God just seems to cause the hard things to work out for His good and His glory. And it isn't something that we realize while we're in the season, or even right after the season. It is a slow recognition over time and distance away from the event that God used to refine us.

I guess if there is one thing that keeps coming to my mind, it is to not waste time. So much of my time can get eaten away in that which does not matter in the least. Or, my own selfishness or fears can keep me from fully living the life God has intended-- and this wastes time as well. And what is sacrificed in the time-wasting is everything that matters and is eternal-- relationships, talents, love, wholeness, God's kingdom coming through our sacrifices, etc. It is the hardest thing ever-- knowing how to invest the gifts God has bestowed... time, talents, resources, relationships. And there is only this one life, only this one chance and only the people He has placed most intimately in my life-- starting with my husband-- NOT for MY benefit, but so that they will experience God's eternal, life-giving love through the love with which I love them. This is a weighty proposition.

The other part of this awareness to not waste time, is the fear that we will trade in God's glorious riches for treasures here on earth-- not even meaning to, or consciously-- but just wasting opportunities to be "salt" and "light". And, I'm not talking about signing up for and organizing all the latest, greatest "ministry" opportunities or being a part of the newest "vision" either. I'm talking about the every day choices I/we make-- to either choose God's heart on a particular matter... or not.

Each day removed from deployment season has it's own set of ups and downs. Sounds like life to me :) Fortunately the honeymoon didn't last long-- Tony and I have already had a couple little quibbles. Which is fine-- because then we have to make-out... I mean "up". :) He has had to ease into time with the boys. Seven months with only grown ups can put a shock to your system when you come home to three raucuous boys! And as far as my dream state... well, I'm glad deployment wasn't a dream. I have a feeling that the further out we get, the more I will be able to see God's sweet work once again.

Grace and Peace!

PS... Stay tuned on the 20th for news of our court!!!!!! Please pray for our family to find favor with the judge and for Joshua B. and Rebekah S. to legally become members of Team D.!!!!!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

2009-05-11T07:20:00.002-04:00

I think this is the beginning of many thank you from my family. First, thank you for reading this blog-- however shoddy and sporatic I am about posting; I know there are many faithful readers, still. Thank you for reading about babies who need formula, thank you for being a part of our efforts to raise money and meet the goal of $12,500 worth of formula to feed our malnourished babies at AWAA's Transition Home!!!!!

Thank you for praying our family through the past 6+ months of deployment. By grace alone, we have come to the other side of this journey-- he isn't home yet, but he is in the country and working hard to make it back to us!!

Thank you for praying over our adoption process. As with any adoption, there are twists, turns and unexpected hiccups along the way. Of course, we aren't "there" yet; but getting closer every day. I still covet your prayers for our upcoming court date on May 20th, and prayers that we will be able to still travel on June 6th. I stand in awe when I look back upon God's goodness and mercy to our family. From the very beginning, He has caused all things to work for His Glory-- whether it has been providing a much needed document at the right time, causing Tony to come home early for travel, answering prayers on behalf of ALL families in AWAA to pass court, bring home children sooner and cause government systems to work for the benefit of children and families.... He is so good.

The next two weeks are huge for our family. Reunion with our Daddy, wrapping up another year of teaching my boys, experiencing the court system of Ethiopia and by God's grace, legally adding two more children to Team Dragovich. The anticipation is rising... and where there is great good to come, there is also great opposition from the enemy. Please continue to pray for us-- I do not know what to expect. I cannot even fathom. But one thing I DO know...

"I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Be STRONG and TAKE HEART and WAIT FOR THE LORD"!!! (Psalm 27:13-14)

Grace and Peace,
Shari

An Opportunity for Living Faith

2009-05-05T06:30:00.003-04:00

Tom Davis is on a mission. He is raising money to buy a specialized formula for our malnourished babies living in AWAA's Transition Home.

Who is Tom Davis?

Tom Davis is a photographer, author and advocate for orphans worldwide-- in particular, Africa. He has written some great books, including Red Letters: Living a Faith that Bleeds-- a statistic filled, reality check, call to action for Americans; especially Christians; who are supposed to "be the hands and feet of Jesus" or "live the red letters" of the New Testament but sadly seem strangely absent from the front lines on the war against poverty. He has founded an organization called Children's Hope Chest-- with this mission:

Children’s HopeChest believes that every orphan has the right to know God, experience the blessing of family, and have the opportunity to develop independent living skills.

Tom has teamed up with OUR agency, America World Adoption Agency (AWAA) to provide formula to the malnourished infants which arrive in our Transition Home. It is as horrific reality. Infants who are 6-12 months old weighing less than 7-8 pounds. Several of our babies at the Transition Home this very day are on feeding tubes, because their little bodies are too weak to intake nutrients any other way.

PLEASE be a part of this campaign of Tom's to provide Nutramigen-- a specialized formula-- for the babies of our Transition Home. As I stated at the beginning of this post, he is on a mission to raise $12,500 by Mother's Day, so our babies can have a chance at life and to experience the love of a "forever family"!!

Visit Tom's Blog to learn more. Read his interview with AW's Duni Zeneye, and then please consider giving. Think of it as a Mother's Day gift. Give so that another child may have the chance to know the love of a mother. Give so that another mother may have the chance to know the joy of loving a child. Give so that they both may experience the love of the Father through the blessing of adoption.

Grace and Peace,
Shari

PS-- Just a note... the picture of the infant in the picture at the beginning of this post is NOT one of our AW babies. That would violate privacy laws for our TH children.

Today I bought dresses :)

2009-04-28T20:46:00.004-04:00

Today was my re-fingerprinting appointment with US Immigration-- USCIS. Tony and I had to be re-fingerprinted for a couple of reasons. One, being that we accepted a referral outside of our originally approved age range-- in other words, our immigration paperwork said that we would bring home either one or two children under the age of four-- and we're not. We are bringing home a 6 and 3 year old. So, when you do that, you have to re-do part of the paperchasing process-- the homestudy and I-171H. The other reason we had to be re-fingerprinted is that our fingerprints will have expired before we finalize our adoption. Fingerprints are only valid for 15 months and the I-171H (which is the whole REASON for getting fingerprinted-- approval to bring home a child from another country) is only valid for 18 months. Both will expire before we travel. So.... I was in Durham, NC today to be re-fingerprinted.

Okay, but here is the fun part... the USCIS office in Durham is conveniently located only 5 miles from Southpoint Mall-- which happens to be one of the nicest malls in the Triangle (Raleigh and surrounding area). It has all my favorite stores that I love to look in and RARELY buy anything at. And, they must have known that Shari Dragovich would one day live near Southpoint and so they decided to put all my favorite stores in one wing of the mall. Half the shoppes are outside and half inside. My favorites all happen to be in a line. I rarely go to the mall-- who has the time or money or needs the opportunity to lust after all that "chaff in the wind"? But, today I had the time AND a little extra money and I was on a mission. Decide on a color scheme for our little girl's room and buy something pink... with ruffles :) I DID BOTH!!!! HOORAY! I have a pink daisy quilt that is currenly scheduled to be in the first week of May on hold for me, I bought curtains that are pretty pink and white striped and I bought FOUR little dresses-- all on sale-- at Baby Gap. And did you know that all gap's little girl dresses have matching bloomers with them???? I was so excited-- still am. :)

It was a great day. I am so thankful to have had it!! I remember when I was pregnant with my first boy and I LOVED going into baby Gap and buying him little outfits. Each boy got less and less from there-- obviously :). But, everytime I would walk in the store, I always had to stop and touch the dresses. This time, I got to go home with some dresses, too!

I hope I don't come across as only being excited about our little girl. For some reason I feel like I need to clarify. I am overjoyed that God would choose me to mother another son :) And I am most excited to see him grow and bound into action with his 3 brothers. And in his pictures, he is already looking like he is taking care of his little sister at the Transition Home. It makes me cry tears of utter unworthiness every time I see his face, think of his life's journey thus far and imagine that I have been entrusted with the continuation of raising this boy into a godly man who will walk in the ways of the Lord.

And as for our little princess... although I may only talk of ruffles and lace and lovely pastels, in my heart and all my prayers, I ask God to soften her little heart towards me, to grant me the wisdom to be a mother to a daughter and provide me the insight to see into her heart and mind so I can reach her, teach her and grow her into a woman of grace.

May 20th is getting closer! Please join our family in prayer as we petition our Lord of Hosts to grant Joshua B. and Rebekah S. to legally become members of Team Dragovich!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Hmmmm... Time flies when your...

2009-04-23T21:51:00.007-04:00

...being silly with Sam at the park by Grandpa's lake

... Taking in all of Charleston, NC

... Building sandcastles at the beach

... getting shots to travel to Ethiopia

... living at the soccer fields!!

Okay, so that is only MOST of the reason why I haven't posted in such a long time. The other part of the equation is that I don't really know what to say. Who wants to hear about a family in constant motion right now? And, when there is facebook to distract me and not make me think in complete sentences... well... it wins. :)

But, here is a synopsis of where we are at adoption wise: our court date is May 20th. If we pass court on this day, we will travel to Ethiopia on June 6th. Yes... I said WE. Tony is COMING HOME!!!!!!!! So that is good news :) He will actually be home somewhere around the 15th of May, so Team Dragovich will have a few weeks together before we dive into expanded family life-- hooray!!! I feel so spoiled :)

But Shari, you say, you said 'if' you pass court... is it possible that you wouldn't pass court the first time round??? Why yes, it is very possible. In fact, today the Semlow family finally passed court after 7 MONTHS of paperwork, red tape and all sorts of problems keeping them from a positive court turnout. BUT... I am here to PRAISE GOD with them and tons of other families who have been diligently praying these beautiful children into their arms. In two weeks, they will be in Ethiopia to finally unite with their three new kiddos and BRING THEM HOME!!! Go check out their blog. There are some happy people over there :)

So, other than just trying to keep up with daily life, I have been trying to pull bedrooms together for J.B. and R.S. (did you notice I didn't say their full names? That is because they aren't legally my kids yet. It is a secret until then :)). I managed to move furniture around and even take apart a bed and put it back together again in another room. I have one room ready for a set of bunk beds and now our little girl's room is screaming for some attention. Funny, that is the room I am most excited to do and it is the last to be done. Oh well. Maybe part of the problem is I haven't settled on a color for the wall-- what shade of green??? Or pink? Or turquoise?? Probably not turquoise. Or should I pick out a bedding set first and be inspired by that? And, WHY is Pottery Barn calling my name so often??? I mean, have you SEEN the little girl bedding from there? Why can't I find something I like as much for cheaper?? Ugh.

So, you see... R.S.'s room sits and waits. But, in the meantime, I really had to put in the garden-- I tilled it myself. Not pretty. You would have laughed outloud if you saw me do it. But, it is done and the garden is in, and now I have to keep it watered. And, I've been trying to make the yard look more presentable. It is weedy. And dead in spots. I just HATE for my husband to come home to a bad yard. That is the ONE thing he cares about. I could have all the bedrooms completely done, planted the garden and even do some lovely landscaping... but he would have been most happy about a healthy yard. Not that it is really my fault-- it is the way water sits in low spots. And other things that we inherited from the builder's "landscaper"... but I digress.

Okay, so now you know the randomness of my thoughts-- especially right before bed. You should be glad I haven't posted more often during this deployment :D!!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Walter A. Monke 1910-2009

2009-03-22T09:35:00.003-04:00

Last Saturday morning -- the 14th-- was a rainy day. I was so thankful for the rain, because it meant soccer was canceled for the day and I had a day to clean out bedrooms, start organizing and getting ready for bringing new kiddos home. Somewhere in the mid-morning, in the midst of boxes, donation items and dust bunnies, my mom called on my cell phone. I missed the call but heard the ring. So I called back and was totally unprepared for the words I heard.

My grandpa died. He was the most healthy, active, on-the-go 88 year old guy I have ever known :). He had just bought a brand new Chevrolet and had plans for it over the summer. He was VERY active in his local VFW chapter, loved his church, pastor and the morning Sunday School class. My grandpa lived John 10:10-- he knew how to live life to the fullest. Even right up until he fell asleep in his chair on Friday night and walked off into heaven by Saturday morning. My grandpa-- WWII medic officer to the Pacific Front (bronze star recipient for heroic service), high-school ag education teacher and major promoter of local area ag education, successful farmer, adoring husband, strong father, AMAZING Grandpa and Great-Grandpa... now walks with Jesus, and his Lucille :)

Our family is maybe just now beginning to stand up again. Barely. Maybe the shock is over--maybe. The outpouring of love for Grandpa was overwhelming, though not unexpected. He was well known and well loved. I know that I must be the most blessed woman on the face of the earth. The Good Lord chose to put me in a family with multiple strong, honorable, God-fearing, courageous men... my grandfather, father, brother... and then He topped it all off by giving my my husband. Who am I, that I should be so loved, so spoiled, so cherished?

God, grant me the strength to live in the grace and carry on the legacy of full-life which Grandpa knew and walked out so well. Amen.

PS... I have been trying to upload pictures, but not successful-- I think because of my connection at the beach... so look forward to tons of great Grandpa pics!!

The Problem File

2009-03-10T20:38:00.003-04:00

Ouch. So, I guess it's been a while since I have last blogged. Well... not much to tell. We COULD possibly have our court date moved up into April. MOWA (Ministry of Women's and Children's Affairs) has decided to write more letters of approval for families to be seen in court for March and April. This means that more court dates have beeen opening up and allowing our agency to move families with current court dates in April and May, into March and April. That is great news... but in our case, we won't travel any earlier to get the kids. We will still be traveling either the end of May or early June, depending on when Tony is able to get home. All sort of up in the air-- like I said... nothing new to tell :)

Otherwise, life has been full speed ahead. Which could explain why I can't seem to find time-- or stableness of mind-- to blog. AND... I confess. I facebook a lot more these days. It is just easier. I'm not really sure why... it just is. Okay, sidetrack... see what I mean? I should be in bed. :)

Last week, I had to stop by the dealership where we bought the superburban to sign some papers for the title clerk. When the clerk pulled out the file with letters she needed me to sign, I noticed that the name on the file's tab said, "PROBLEM" in bold print-- all caps. Just like I wrote it. I couldn't help it. I just started giggling and said outloud-- "Hey, look at that! We made it to the PROBLEM file! That's pretty funny! And so... well... so True!!" I'm not sure the title clerk knew whether to laugh with me or be concerned. She just sorta looked at me with a half grin on her face. This made the whole thing more funny to me.

So, I think I've decided that if I ever go insane, I will be a happy insane person. And, when I get old and senile, I think I will be a happy old senile person. This is very good. I really want to be "happy" crazy and not "the mean old ... ", well you get the idea. And if I will not be that way, then oh well. I have decided I WILL be that way and when it happens I won't know, so it won't matter anyway.

Hmmm... do you think I need Tony to come home?? ;D

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Our Official Day in Court

2009-02-25T21:26:00.002-05:00

This week has been a bit over-the-top crazy to say the least. Soccer practice for all three boys geared up this week, we had a field trip, I started the week off sick, and we had two days worth of dr. visits to get through for updating our homestudy/USCIS forms in order to get our kids home. Honestly, we have been home to sleep and eat breakfast. That is about it.

BUT... today, when I got home from my madness, I had a lovely email waiting for me from our agency titled "Court Date". HOORAY!! That is fun to open :) So.... our big day in court IS....

May 20th

Now, for those of you not familiar with adopting from Ethiopia, it is quite likely that we will not pass court the first time. The current statistic is 30% of families do not. However, our Yahoo Support Group is praying this number out of existence, so soon 100% of families will be passing court the first time :).
The great thing about May 20th is that it is only around 2 weeks before Tony is expected to be home from his Big D. Now that we have a date, he can begin to work on finding a way to get home in time to travel with me to Ethiopia. Funny, I sorta was hoping that we would find a way to have some "alone" time soon after he came home from the big D... I guess I wasn't expecting to have it in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia!!!!

So... to my prayer warrior friends-- mark May 20th on your calendar with HUGE red, blue, green and yellow markers (the colors in the ET flag), and start praying for a successful court date the 1st time!!! Let's pray these two newest members of Team Dragovich home!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

House full of kids... where is Calgon to take me away???

2009-02-21T20:47:00.004-05:00

Cool presents!!

I don't really know why I allow such silliness to happen in my life, like letting my 10 year old have a sleep-over birthday party (belated by now). I think this has definitely filled his "cup", though. Which is ever so crucial-- always, of course, but especially with Daddy on his Big D. and the newness of having two new siblings becoming ever more a reality. And really, all EIGHT kids are doing very well!! That is no joke, either! That is for-real! :) They loved the taco dinner-- chosen by Wyatt, of course; and the ice-cream cake was a HUGE hit! It was semi-homemade... can you believe it?? I just didn't feel like spending money on one of those gross ice-cream cakes from the store-- they are only sorta good, and then they just sit in your freezer and take up space. So, I invented the "Team Dragovich" version of the ice cream cake. I made and baked a graham cracker crust; let it cool and let three different kinds of ice cream sit out to soften at the same time. Then I spread the softened ice cream on top of the crust-- in 1/3's (1/3 vanilla, 1/3 chocolate, 1/3 chocolate chip). On top of the ice cream I put a thick layer of crushed oreo cookies-- the boys LOVE to help with the crushing, of course; and then spread cool whip (softened) on top of that. Finally, I made the number 10 out of green m & m's and VOILA!! Wyatt watched me make his cake and he said, "Wow, Mom. You are really going all out for me! I mean, your just going way above what I could ever expect!" :) That was pretty cute.

Wyatt's homemade ice cream cake

Lighting the candles

Ha-ppy Bir-th-day To YOUUUU....

I finished putting together two cute care packages for our new ones in Ethiopia. Sammy helped me pick out some of the contents. It was pretty funny watching him at work. Here is what we put in each kiddo's 1 gallon sized ziploc bag:

T-shirt
underoos--Star Wars--Clone Wars (surprise) for Joshua B.
undershirt and fairies undies for Rebekah S.
beanie bears
photo albums
books: Good Dog, Carl, The Mixed up Cameleon, Harold and His Fairy Tale
vitamins
mini-football for Joshua B.

Yes, I know. It is weird that I sent underwear. And books that they can't even read, yet. I couldn't help it. I felt this need to take care of the necessities-- underwear and vitamins. And I can't do ANYTHING without including a book. I am not sure I expect to ever see any of it again. Other than the photo albums. I'm sure all the rest of it will get re-cycled (the clothes) or used. I did put their names on the beanies-- but I'm really not sure if we'll come home with them. That's okay. I just want them home :)... and Daddy should just come home, too!! :D

A friend of mine said to me the other day that as she was praying for us, she had this realization that almost half of my family is on the other side of the world. Yup. This is true. And someday, our kids will understand that their daddy was in the same time zone as them, wanting to come get them, wanting all of us to be together; and waiting patiently for it to happen. That's pretty awesome.

I am anticipating our court date now. Every family who adopts knows the mounting pressure of waiting for their court date. For us, this waiting is magnified by the reality of Tony being able to travel to Ethiopia to pick up the kids. It will be within a month of his original coming home time-- yet, he will most likely have to receive special permission to get out of there. Then, depending on how quickly he gets out and gets home... well, he will have MAYBE a week before turning around and flying BACK over the ocean to ET to pick up NEW kids, when he has not even really gotten to see the OLD ones for the past 7 months. It all sounds very daunting and overwhelming, to say the least. But... I believe in a God who causes ALL things to work for the good of those who love Him and call on Him! He will uphold us with His righteous right hand, and we will be stronger as individuals and as a family for having to walk through this refining fire. We covet your prayers and support during these next several months!!! Thank you, so much :)!

Grace and Peace,
Shari

The scattered thoughts of a new "referral" mother

2009-02-12T07:01:00.002-05:00

Now that we are 2-days post-referral, I have to share some of the crazy things that have been flitting in and out of my mind over the past 48 hours.

"How is it that I can be so surprised to finally see their faces, and yet somehow in my heart, I have seen and known them all along."

"YIKES!!!!!" upon looking at the amount of money needed by AWAA to accept our referral. "THAT'S not happenin' so easily!!"

"Why isn't Tony here so he can deal with all 'dumb' financial side of the paperwork?"

"How in the world can I re-arrange the rooms to be adorable AND fit an extra boy?"

"That smile. Those eyes. My God truly is the Master Craftsman and Master Artist."

"MORE PAPERWORK?????"

"What if we completely overwhelm them? What if they can't deal with the dog? (that wouldn't be so bad) How in the world am I going to communicate with them??"

"Are we crazy?"

"Wow. Wow. Wow!!!!!!!!"

"I hope Sam doesn't corrupt B. TOO much!"

"Five kids. How FUN!!"

"Five kids. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"What bozo created all this paperwork mess anyway? OBVIOUSLY s/he is NOT an adoptive parent!"

"DRESSES :)"

"How in the world am I going to have time to do all this paperwork, be single mommy right now AND decorate rooms?"

"God is in control, God is in control, God is in control..."

"HUGE shoes to fill. Overwhelming. Wonderful. Beautiful. Terrified. Here we go!!!!"

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Hey... I didn't even have to call-- AWAA Called us!!!!!!!

2009-02-11T07:17:00.003-05:00

Well, it happened! "THE CALL" came yesterday morning around 10:45 am. I was in shock, to say the least. In fact, the conversation went something like this:

Phone rings. I see AWAA on the caller id. I think, "hmm. I wonder what they want? I know we paid our last installment. Did they lose the check? No... I saw it was withdrawn... hmmm???

me: "Hello?"
terra: "Hello! Is this Shari?"
me: "Yes. Hi Terra! How are you doing?"
terra: (giggles in a sort of funny way) "I'm doing fine :)"
me: (finally dawning on me that THIS is THE CALL!) "Oh.. wait a minute.. this is the call isn't it!! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! (now I am sort of pacing the kitchen, starting to shake, totally surprised and looking for something to write on???)
terra: (giggles again) "Yes, it is! I have good news for you today!"
me: "Okay. Oh my. I'm ready. Not really. WOW!!!!"

Conversation proceeds from there :)

So... Team Dragovich is two more strong-- a VERY handsome boy who is 6 and has Dragovich ears-- I could say Monke ears, too. And a PRECIOUS little girl who is 3 and has the deepest, most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen.

I spent the next many hours trying like crazy to reach Tony on his cell phone that he "keeps with him all the time"... but apparently not :). Of course, I knew I couldn't tell anyone until I was able to tell him. Which made the next several hours VERY HARD :) Finally, in one last desparate attempt, late in the afternoon-- knowing it was nearing the middle of the night his time-- I reached him. HALLELUIA!!!!!! He was as surprised as I was and wanted to know all about them, of course :)

So, now we begin another flurry of paperwork to update our homestudy, USCIS paperwork, scrounge money from SOMEWHERE (we were not expecting a referral so soon and so a little thrown off by this last chunk of payments)-- God is SOOOO good and in control and He is the God who Provides... He has provided and He will continue to provide :)

Please pray that the paperwork gets done and I understand the right things to do-- especially with Tony on the other side of the world right now. Pray for our new littles... that God would continue to protect them, keep them healthy and loved while we all wait to be united and for all our hearts to be prepared for the new transition and season we are entering. Also pray that the financial aspect would be worked out-- we know it is and will be... it is more a matter of my trusting and releasing it to God to work out the details.

Grace and Peace to you all,
Shari

We're Ready for our Referral!

2009-01-28T17:44:00.004-05:00

Sam loves his new ride!

Today I spent the entire day at a dealership in Fayetteville, trading in our van for a suburban. I have been on the hunt for a couple of weeks and last week, I found "the one". Whatever that means. It was hard work getting the best trade in for our van, getting the dealers to get to our numbers and do it on my own. Then, if that wasn't hard enough, trying to purchase the the Yukon XL with a Power of Attorney was an ENORMOUS pain-- almost as enormous as our new superburban!!!

I don't think this is a good idea...

Yeah. That's better!

Now, we can get our referral for our two new kids-- I can't wait. Think I should call our agency and tell them they can go ahead and give us our referral now???

Grace and Peace,
Shari

Room for 6 kids!!

And room for LOTS of stuff :))

Team Dragovich and the Big Snow

2009-01-20T20:41:00.004-05:00

Hurray!!! Snow-- and its even the good sticky kinds for snowballs!

Yes, they DID get a snow day-- don't ask how that works... here's my excuse-- "Everyone else was off!!"

Once upon a time in the land of Sanford, North Cackilacka, there lived a beautiful family with the most lovely but somewhat haggard from her husband's recent deployment, mother in all the land... oh, sorry-- sidetrack... There lived a most interesting family with THREE crazy-- I mean, well mannered boys in it. One day, when those sweet, angelic, completely obediently children woke up, what should they find? Why-- it was SNOW!! Snow had fallen from the sky and completely covered their entire yard, trees, flowers, toys that they perpetually leave outside every day... why, even their lovely, eternally patient, completely joyful mother's mini-van was vanished by mounds and mounds of crystally white, sort of damp and clumpy, but absolutely stunning snow...

This may be the only picture we ever have of our house coated in snow

Anyway, it snowed :)! Just like the beginning of my tale which you would NEVER believe-- well, it really can happen. Snow really CAN fall out of the sky in North Carolina!!

Shall we go out to enjoy a glass of wine on the back porch?

Grace and Peace,
Shari