Friday, October 1, 2010

Turning Point

JB and Risa in Ethiopia-- March 2009

As I was writing in my journal this morning, I had a little bit of an "ah-ha" moment. Or maybe I should say, God, in His grace, pointed out a little-- but huge-- detail to me. I was lamenting about all that I wanted to do and how little time there is to do it in-- cry me a river, right?? Some things on my list:

*Implement writing/literature co-op for homeschool group
*go on more neat field trips with my kids and get on with organizing a field trip or two for our group
*decorate my home for fall-- indoors and out
*go through our checkbooks with a fine tooth comb and figure out how we managed to spend so much in the past couple of months (this job seems to always be pushed to the bottom of the stack)
*write editorial letters in support of our district's candidate for Congress
*start a book club (for adults... not kids)
*read without falling asleep at night
*create a better plan of action for my older boys' personal studies (getting them more involved and responsible) and to get us moving through history/geography quicker
*make sure I'm tracking my mileage well for my next race (Dec. 5th-- Sacramento Marathon)
*look into the small group from our church that actually meets right here in our neighborhood-- which is wonderful, since we seem to be far away from everything
*start blogging again

..... and more.

But here's the thing. As I'm writing all this down, just trying to get it out of my head and into God's hands for HIM to organize, prioritize and hand what matters back to me; this crazy thought came to me. Isn't it sooooo wonderful to have such silly, unimportant (in the grand scheme of things) matters to "worry" about?

You think I have lost my mind. You're right. But here is the point. A year ago at this time, I couldn't even fathom such things. All I could journal about was the pain I felt over whether I would ever be able to bond with my newest children-- Joshua Biruk and Rebekah Selame. Four months ago, it was really still the same-- though maybe in smaller spurts and with a little more reprieve in between. For the past year and several months, I have lived in emotional, mental limbo. Swinging from absolute conviction that adopting JB and Risa was the exact thing our family was meant to do-- to complete throat tightening anxiety that we had just made the greatest un-doable mistake ever.

Are you uncomfortable reading this? It makes me squirm a little to write it. But, what I hope you see is God's goodness, mercy and absolute grace-- which is so much greater and higher than our thoughts, emotions or own "precious" will. His love does not conform to the ideas of the world. In fact, it smacks the wisdom of the world in the face. Crazy-- the Bible really IS right!!! He will cause ALL things to work for the good of those who love Him and call on His name! (Romans 8:28); I [have] seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13-14); It is not I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by FAITH in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" (Gal. 2:20-21).

July 7th was our "Gotcha Day" 1 year anniversary. It seems that every day since then, joy has been restored to me. I LOVE being able to see vibrant color again and be joked out of a bad mood by my Superman :). I love being able to watch ALL my children in their antics and notice their individual personalities again, be more level headed when they have done wrong and not wonder every minute if they will ever "come out of it"-- whatever "it" is. Mostly, I love that I am able to worry about things that don't matter!! Crazy... I know.

But, here's the thing. We should ALL be so thankful and joyful to have such simple things to occupy our minds. For God has done great things in our hearts and in our lives. And He's only just begun.

Grace and Peace,

JB and Aunt Emily last Saturday (25th) at her wedding (JB & Sam were ring bearers)

Auntie Em's best fan club ever

Daddy and Risa at Aunt Em's rehersal dinner

Power to the Team Dragovich women!!

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you as His treasured possession (Deut. 14:2)..."Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth-- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." (Isa. 43:6-7)