Friday, December 4, 2009

"The tyranny of the urgent"

My life is flashing before my eyes. I want this blog to be so much more exciting, more posted on, more effective for orphans... blah, blah, blah. Instead, all I can seem to do is post once in a blue moon and ramble on about my personal thoughts, emotional battles, crazy life experiences as a mom and a family who took the plunge into God's heart for adoption. And what a plunge it has been AND continues to be. :)

It is so fun to watch JB and Risa experience all these "firsts" in our family... first birthdays (although that one was a little traumatic for JB), first family trip-- again, traumatic, but so good for our family; first Thanksgiving-- which was NOT a traditional Team Dragovich Thanksgiving at all; first Christmas tree finding and trimming, first Advent season, etc. Last night, during our bedtime prayers, JB thanked God for "Mommy making Christmas so beautiful". My heart was stolen into his and again, I was jolted into a new "view" of their little lives-- and our life as a family.

My heart screams out for the lives of the millions and millions of children living day to day, not knowing the love of a mother and father. One thing that JB is continually commenting on, roll-playing or talking to me about, is how Tony and I interact with one another. He always wants to "show" me how Daddy gives me hugs and kisses when he comes home from work, or how Daddy holds my hand when we are driving in the "makina" (car), or how we make funny faces at or tease each other-- things I completely take for granted. For JB, it is fascinating. Sometimes, he will say, out of the blue... "Daddy and Mommy, no hit?" Or, if he is in one of his silly, confused, insecure, teasing moods, he will say, "Daddy and a Mommy-- hit, hit, hit... ha, ha, ha!", then pretend he is "daddy", hitting "mommy" in the face. Of course, I am so very quick to correct him and reinforce how much Daddy and I love each other and are kind to one another. We will NEVER hit one another. But, all the while my head is reeling with sick wonder at what he saw before us and my stomach knots when I imagine it.

In general, the boy is fixated with "hitting". He talks about it alot, accuses others of doing it to him alot (unfounded-- beyond the normal brother, boyish hands-on behavior), roll plays it a lot, etc. He is super-oversensitive about it all and cries at the drop of a hat. And when he cries, it is a high-pitched, screeching, nerve-wracking cry. You would think that the kid was having his limbs pulled from his body, one at a time. And then... he just stops. He gets over it and moves on. Where any of my other children who are annoyed at their sibling will just say, "knock it off", or tattle, have me ignore their tattling and move on-- JB screams, wails and then stops. I am JUST now starting to distinguish these cries and not over-react to them. And, for as affectionate he has become with me especially-- constant hugs, kisses, holding hands, stroking my face and words of endearment-- he refuses to be comforted when he truly is hurt. He becomes stiff as a board when I pick him up, rocks back and forth, stops crying and then says, "All done, no more JB owie". I am working through all these things with him, trying to teach him to relax in my arms and give lots and lots of "off the spot" loving. Most the time I think I am blundering through it all, but he is making progress and God is good.

Did I mention that my heart screams for the faces of those left behind? The statistics of the world-wide orphan crisis are staggering. Here again, I find the task of giving you the numbers myself to be one step outside my time to blog ability. So here is the link to one family who has a ton of great stats:

My Crazy Adoption

There are others. If you go visit many of the families from my blog roll you will find more great stats, personal stories and practical ways you can be the hands and feet of Jesus and fight for the widow and the orphan. Another family who has some EXCELLENT ways you can give while you shop this holiday season is the Steiger family. Here is the link to Lenka's blog:

The Steiger Clan

It is more than frustrating to me to be in such a season where the "tyranny of the urgent" seems to always win over the "vision focused living". I hate not being more organized, more of a champion for the cause of adoption. I want so badly to do so much more... but alas, I cannot even go to the bathroom without have 2-3 children crying out my name in "desparate" need of something--and none of them are infants. Even to post this morning, I was interrupted SEVERAL times, we are now behind in our school day... and if I wait for tonight to blog, my brain will be fried in to several unrecognizable pieces all over my living room floor. You would probably be either incredibly disturbed or offended to read what would end up on the page.

That is so dramatic, isn't it? :)

Hopefully, later this weekend, I will post pictures of our latest adventures. We traveled last week to Elizabeth City to play while Tony worked and had some pretty fun adventures-- but mostly just more time to "pressure cook" together as a family. It was a good thing :).

Grace and Peace to you... and thank you for listening...


1 comment:

Jodie said...

my heart riped open when I read about JB saying "mommy, daddy, no hit?!"
I can't even imagine the flashbacks that are running through his thoughts at any given moment....... I pray that new recordings will be etched in his mind, and upon his heart by watching yours and Tony's relationship.